He laughed, the sound only lasting a couple seconds. “You’re too good to go through all the things I did. You’re so smart, Kenz, funny, and…innocent.”
“I’m not—”
“I don’t mean innocent in a bad way, not like you’re thinking.” He gulped and his knee bounced up and down, shaking the mug on the coffee table with his strength. “College is a lot to handle andIdidn’t know how. I partied too hard, made a lot of mistakes…ones that almost cost me my entire future.”
“You still make mistakes. Take last night, for example.”
He winced and ran a hand down his face. “Dad called me yesterday and asked how you were doing and read me the riot act.Don’t let her drink, don’t let her follow your crazy path, Aaron. I need to know my baby girl is safe in college. You might be the force of the family, but she’s the light.”
My eyes stung when he changed his voice to match our dad’s, the impression uncanny with the rasp and timbre. “And being an asshole to Greta, Tanner and me was the move you chose?”
“I wasn’t…hell, I guess I was to them, too.” He sighed and leaned back into the cushion as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “I just want you to have anything in the world you want. Dad scared me. He might not be around in…a couple months.” His voice broke just enough for me to reach out and place my hand on his arm. “Who’ll be there for you once he’s…gone?”
“Is that what you’re worried about?” I let out an incredulous laugh. “You’re my brother, Aaron. I consider you one of my best friends, but I can’t have you trying to replace Dad, especially when he’s still here. If you do that, you’ll ruin our relationship and if I’m honest, I love what we have. We bicker, we support each other and we don’t have secrets. I mean, come on, I helped sneak Frannie out of the house when you were a junior. Why would you think me seeing Tanner’s hook-up would be something new?”
“Christ.” He released something between a groan and sigh and smiled. It was the first sign things were almost back to normal. “I’m such a dick.”
“No, youactlike one, but you aren’t one.”
“Is it hard, being my sister?” he asked in a small voice, so unlike the boisterous, larger-than-life personality the world was used to. “Tanner said something that kinda fucked me up after you left the bar and I can’t get it out of my head.”
Is it hard being my sister?I thought of a million different ways to answer that question, but the horror on his face stopped me. He was actually worried about my answer. I moved from my chair to sit next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. It didn’t reach, so I looked like a kid next to a giant, but he leaned into me for a quick second. “I love being part of your tribe, Aaron. It has challenges and if you ever talk to me again like you did last night, I’ll kick your ass.”
He chuckled at my lie, and he reached over to ruffle my hair. “It’s been three years since we lived together, huh? I’ve forgotten how to be a brother.”
“You just needed a little reminder. I’m here to find happiness, have adventure and figure out life for me. Let me, even if that means I make a mistake. Just, be there as my brother and friend. Bring me tissues if I cry or beat up some guy if he fucked me over. Don’t insult the only friend I have, either.”
“Tanner.” He said the word with a growl, but I pointed my finger at his chest and poked. “What was that for?”
“He’s been kind to me, more than you can say.” I stood and felt so much better at our conversation. “I gotta ask…did Greta lay into you about the working at the bar comment?”
“Yes,” he said into his hands. “That might be a reason I stayed here, alone, last night.”
“It’s so tough being you.”
“Asshole,” he quipped, and our banter was back to normal. “Do you want to hang out today? I’m free all afternoon. Maybe I can show you some of my favorite places on campus, the dorms, you know, whatever you want to see?”
I tried to hide my smile from him. “Sure, I guess.”
“Cool. Be ready around four.”
* * * *
Aaron showed me around theentireexpansive campus. It all blurred together in my brain, the geology building, agriculture, education, art, blah blah blah. There was no way I’d remember all the buildings, but the three hours we spent walking around and talking were great. We had the same sense of humor and I realized he needed to get to know me without the shadow of Dad’s sickness surrounding us. That was how he saw me, the girl holding herself together for her parents’ sake, but that wasn’t who I was anymore. We walked into the house around seven and found Tanner lounging on the couch in a cut-off shirt and red athletic shorts. God, he made my mouth water in an irrational way.
“Hey, Hilly one and two,” he said without removing his eyes from the TV. The Cubs were playing the Sox and it was extra-innings from an afternoon game. I knew because Aaron had checked it on his phone every ten minutes on our tour. “You get your student ID, Kenny?”
Something like guilt clogged my thoughts for a second, which was stupid, before I nodded. “Yup. Check it out.” I tossed it at him and he caught it, grinning when he saw my picture. “I know. My hair is…”
“Awful,” he finished for me.
“Iknow. It was the humidity.” I plopped on the couch and took the ID from his hand. “But I might claim toloseit so I can take another picture.”
Aaron snorted and paused at the door. “I’m going to head to G’s. I’ve been working on my groveling and I think it’s time I try it.”
“Good luck, Hilly. You’ll need it,” Tanner said, earning Aaron’s middle finger.
But before he left, his face turned serious and he stared at me. “And we’re okay.” It wasn’t a question.
