In bed, I went through my Zade phases again. Hurt, then anger, then sadness, then…regret. I tossed my phone up and down. I wanted to mope and vow to never love again, but even thinking it made no sense. My life had millions of moments, good, bad, sad and amazing, and regret had no place. Sure, I’d missed Zade every second since I’d arrived home but I had no regrets. I sat up and logged into my laptop.I might as well channel my inability to sleep and get some work done.Nicole wanted, no more like demanded, that I personalize every exercise plan based on the athlete’s bio. I wanted to wow her, despite the possibility that the assignment might never be used.
I grabbed the first profile and gasped when I saw Zade’s name. I sighed and decided maybe I shouldn’t work. I twirled the phone in my hands a couple more times and jumped when it went off. My heart raced, wanting it to be Zade but also not sure what I wanted to say to him.
Zade: Can we talk? I’m sorry.
I read it and clenched my teeth. We needed to talk. I saw that the clock already read midnight.I might as well.I wasn’t going to be sleeping that night anyway.
Callie: Sure.
Zade: Thank god. I’m outside your place.
Callie: Be right down.
I threw on an old sweatshirt and ran down the stairs. He leaned on the hood of his car, looking like a better version of James Dean. He followed my movements as I slowly walked toward him. My heart beat out of my chest. My palms sweated and I fought the dual urge to smack him and run into his arms. I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to win.
“Hey, girl.” He gave me the crooked smile and the worry in his eyes stood out. I took a spot next to him on the car, not touching him, but also close enough to feel his heat.
“Hey.” I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure what to do or say. He was here and that mattered. I fought a smile and gave up. “This is awkward.”
“Agreed. But come here. I need to hold you.”
I went into his arms and hugged him something fierce. We needed to talk everything out, but in that hug all my pieces were put back together. He smelled like home. He ran his hands up and down my back and pressed a good hard kiss against my head. “I love you, Callie.”
“I know you do. And I love you, too. I have a lot to say but don’t know where to start.”
“I do too. Can we go up and lie down together?” He pulled away and smiled down at me with hope in his eyes. “I need to fill you in on everything that happened, but I need to be with you tonight. We can talk in the morning. I promise I’ll tell you everything.”
“I’d like that.” I took his hand and we walked up the stairs. He took off his shirt but kept his pants on and tucked me next to him. I sighed, content and not as worried about the future anymore. Tomorrow we’d talk. Tonight I wanted to sleep with him by my side.
* * * *
I woke up tangled in Zade’s arms, my face pressed into his strong chest and yesterday’s events unraveled before me. He stirred and I held on to the moment a little bit longer. I knew we would survive the talk, but I dreaded it nonetheless.
“Morning, babe.” He stretched and wiped his eyes before rolling over onto one elbow. “I slept like a brick.”
“I think we slept through your class. It’s past ten. Didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“It’ll be fine. I haven’t missed one yet this semester. I’m due.” He ran his finger down my neck. My body betrayed me with a shiver.
“I hate to sound cliché, but we need to talk.” I smiled at his guilty expression. I knew what he preferred to do and it didn’t involve clothes.
“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I need to apologize, first and foremost, for how I treated you yesterday. I was a total asshole and out of line. I understand if you want to put me in the doghouse for a while. I deserve it.”
“Thank you for acknowledging your asshole-ness.” I poked him in the chest. “If you ever do that again to me, I’ll kick your ass.”
“You should. I’ll never do that again. I had some issues I dealt with yesterday, which we’ll get to, but it didn’t hit me until my sister and I were drinking a beer last night that you’d said you loved me.”
“Yeah, you ass. I do. And, I had this whole thing planned, too.” I rolled over and mirrored his position.
“What were you going to do?”
“I’m not sure you deserve to hear about it.” I paused dramatically and felt a shadow of shame. “Look, in the beginning of what we started, I wanted distance. I stood no chance against your charm and humor. I chose to not tell you about that class because I knew you’d smother me.”
“You’re right.”
“See?” I laughed. “Then, when we started being together, we were running and spending nights together… I didn’t want my classes to have something to do with you in case something went wrong.”
“Protecting yourself. I get it.”
