* * * *
The music pumped through the walls of the house. The bass shook the chair I sat in and I relished the feeling. The only time I loved rap music was when the atmosphere called for it. This called for it. I surveyed our basement, currently filled with people in various states of dress. Girls danced with red cups in their hands, guys played beer pong and cheered like idiots, Jeff and Tanner stood at the table playing DJ for the night and Aaron had last been seen leaving the room with a pretty brunette all over him. I smiled, content sitting on the chair with my third drink in my hand.
“Can I join you?” Frankie, one of my on-and-off hookups, who I hadn’t seen in a couple months, sat on the arm of my chair. “You seem lonely.”
“By all means.” I scooted over, causing her to fall into my lap. I wasn’t unaffected by her body. My dry spell messed with my head while her short dress left nothing to the imagination and distracted me. She used to be one of my favorites, if I had them. She knew what I wanted and expected and she never nagged.
“It’s been a while. I’ve missed you.” She crossed her legs over me, my hand having no place to go except her thigh. I ran my finger down her soft, smooth leg. I preferred strong legs but hers were nice. “How have you been?”
“Nothing new, really. What about you?” I small-talked her, already bored. She was a perfectly decent person, but all we had in common was sex. Great sex, but I wasn’t sure if I was up for it. I hated myself for the doubt, but Jeff’s words crept back up again.She’s too good for you.
“School is going really well. I love my classes.” She frowned a little bit. “You seem tense. Want to go upstairs real quick?”
We both knew what she meant. Her eyes flared with heat. I needed to get off and release the crazy amount of tension I had been carrying around. I had nothing to lose. I hadn’t seen Callie here yet and if I did…nothing, nothing would happen. She’d friend-zoned me to the max and I hated it. I took Frankie’s hand in mine and smiled at her. “I’d like that.”
“Perfect.” She dragged her finger down my chest and pulled me in for a kiss. It was quick, her fruity lips not unpleasant on mine. I matched her kiss and broke it apart. “You have a great mouth.”
I didn’t respond and headed upstairs. I weaved through a couple of people and stopped when I saw Callie walking down the stairs. She wore the black jeans she’d had on the first time I’d seen her here. Her hair hung in loose waves down her shoulders. She spoke with some guy on the stairs and laughed. Her whole body went into her laugh and she met my eyes. Her face lit up like I was the fucking best thing in the world and it wasn’t fair. Her perfect, makeup-free mouth opened to say something but then she stopped.
Frankie poked her head around me, giggling. “Why’d you stop, Z?”
Callie’s smile faded.
My heart sank and remorse filled my body. The sinking pit I’d only had twice in my life grew in my stomach and I dropped Frankie’s hand. “I’m sorry, I uh, I can’t do this.”
“What?” Her face fell in hurt and I took off toward Callie. She hadn’t waited a beat before heading back up the stairs. My heart raced. No way we ended before we gave it a try. I craved a chance with her. I needed it and we both deserved it.
“Callie!” She walked out of the front door, but the command in my voice stopped her. The entire room hushed, the scene unfolding in front of everyone. I strode over to her and saw pain in her eyes. I fought the urge to grab her and instead ran my hand down her arm. She shivered at my touch and I lowered my voice, preventing the whole damn room from hearing. “Can we talk?”
“We probably should at this point.” She focused on the floor instead of my face and a muscle in her jaw twitched.Not a good sign, asshole.“Want to head up to the roof?”
“Yeah. I’d like that a lot.” I held out my hand, not unlike what I’d done with Frankie, and guilt washed over me again. She took it and I led her to my room. “Thank you for coming with me. I thought you were going to run out.”
“I thought about it, but I’m not a coward. We need to do this. It’s been building for a while.” She nibbled at her lip as I opened the windows and hopped up onto the desk. I scooted out first, waiting for her to do the same. It was so much like that first night a month ago when I’d thought I’d found the perfect girl in the world. Now, our pasts kept us apart and I wanted to punch the wall at how much it sucked.
We sat side by side, not saying anything. Despite the party raging below, it seemed as though we were the only two there. She had her longs legs stretched out and chucks on her feet. The bass continued to boom, but I waited her out. She deserved to speak first. She finally looked me the eye and I held my breath. Regardless of what she said, it was final. We couldn’t keep torturing each other.
“Zade…” She stopped and gave an exasperated laugh. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Me neither.” I pulled her to me, tucking her into the side of my body. She fit there, perfectly. Her head on my shoulder, our breathing matching, had to be one of the best moments ever. She didn’t fight it and, for the first time ever, I knew she was meant to fit me. She smelled like vanilla and cucumber, a combination I never would’ve liked, but on her, it tortured me. “I have mad feelings for you.”
“Yeah, I’ve come to accept I have them, too.”
Fuck. Yes.She acknowledged them!I felt weightless at that moment. “You sound pissed off about that.”
“I am. I tried to fight it. I really did.”
“I’m glad you gave up the fight. I almost lost it.”
“Yeah…we need to talk some things out, though.” She sat up and a look of concern crossed her face. “If I hadn’t run into you, you would’ve slept with that girl.”
I joined her, sitting up, and I continued touching her. I pulled her until she sat between my legs, her back to my chest. I enveloped her in my arms and tried to say without words that no one else mattered now. “I won’t lie to you, I probably would’ve.”
“Don’t hurt me, Zade.” She spoke, resignation in her words. It sounded so unlike her, who was bold and brave and colorful. I pressed a kiss to her temple.
“Challenge accepted, baby.” She leaned farther back into me. “I can explain the girl.”
“Nah, you don’t have to. We were friends, are friends? I don’t know. Are we the same as ten minutes ago? I don’t freaking know. This is hard.” Uncertainty and fear laced every word. I was unsure, too, but I had no choice anymore. Not when her face fell and I saw every feeling I had reflected back to me.
