“No, because every time I’ve set one up with you, you’ve bailed. Which, you’re really good at bailing on me. You’ve been doing it my entire life.”
He stood straighter than I’d ever seen and set the papers down on his desk. “Something on your mind, kiddo?”
“Clearly,” I said, crossing my arms and refusing to sit on the chair he pointed to. “Do you know why I wanted this internship?”
“Uh, for your class project, right?” he said, his face flushing as his eyes moved back and forth from me to the doorway. “Should we shut the door for this or…?”
“Jesus. Worried about the team? Of course you are. That’s legit all you care about. The fucking hockey team.” I pinched the bridge of my nose as my eyes stung.
“Naomi, look—”
“I took this internship because I was sick of hating you. I wanted to fix our relationship before I graduated because then we’d just do the awkward holiday calls. But you know what? I don’t care anymore. You’re selfish and cruel. You dismiss me every chance you can. Not with Cami though. No, you make time for her.”
He blinked and swallowed so hard his throat made a clicking sound. “I-I don’t—”
“I’m not done,” I yelled, my face almost on fire. “I worked my ass off for this project. The player profiles and team dashboard are next level.”
“I know that,” he almost shouted. “Michael walked me through them. Told me how good you are and how incredible they were! I made a change last week on the line up because of the one you did for Erikson!”
Michael showed him? Told him how good I was?A thrill went through me, giving me some extra courage.
“Which you should’ve. Told. Me. About,” I said, my teeth clenched together.
The mention of Michael caused my stomach to ache, but I powered through. This was the mother of confrontations, and it was like a dam of emotion unleashed. My head pounded and my palms sweat. My hands shook, and I paced the room, gripping the back of a chair as anger wrapped itself around me. I couldn’t stop my thoughts and feelings toward my dad.
“Youpawnedme off to Hank or Michael. You cancelled plans. You’ve let me down so many times that I can’t recall the last time you haven’t.” I laughed out of sheer adrenaline, not that there was anything comical about the situation. “I used to think I hated hockey, but the truth is you’re a shitty dad.”
“You don’t think I know that?” he yelled back, his eyes almost popping out of his face.
“You know that you’re a shitty dad?” I asked, completely dumbfounded. I blinked a few times, repeating the words. There was no way he admitted it. None. My heart raced like I went up five stories of stairs. I could feel my heart pound against my ribcage in a painful way as I stared at him.
“Yeah, fuck.” He ran a hand over his face a few times, causing his face to become redder. “I don’t know how to act around you because I’m so terrified of making things worse, so I avoid you.”
“But with Cami…”
“Your mom always made me go to Cami’s things. As a kid until now—because your mom hates sports. All of them. Blames them for our divorce and her unhappiness. Athletics is how I know to bond, and honestly, Cami doesn’t look at me like she hates my guts. I don’t have to… Look, Naomi. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to your mom, to you. If I could go back, I’d changeeverything.But when the marriage ended, I had nothing elsebuthockey. Do you see that?” His eyes were wet, and his voice shook. I was so used to the stern guy or the charismatic coach, but this… the absolute shame and regret etched onto his face was a lot to take in. I nodded before he continued.
“I got a do-over on the ice. I could guide these kids without them despising me. I get guys like Michael who look up to me and don’t see a failed husband and father. They see me like a good coach.”
“I never hated you. Not really,” I said, my voice weak and quiet. “I lost everyone. Mom, Cami, and you. I just wanted someone to care about me.”
“Fuck, come here.” He shoved a chair out of the way yanked me hard against his chest. He smelled like stale coffee and stiff laundry, and my eyes stung as he hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe.
“I’m so sorry, Naomi. I’m so fucking sorry you felt that way. Of course I love you. I’m so proud of you. I just didn’t know how to talk to you.”
The dam broke. All the hate and anger… all the regret and wondering if I was enough. This. This was why I wanted to intern with him. Sure, I didn’t envision us screaming at each other, but we finally had the confrontation we needed. I cried against him as relief rushed through me. He held me and patted my back for a good five minutes before we broke apart.
His brown eyes looked a little misty as he gave me a half-smile. “Do you want to get some food? Or not, if you have plans. I just… I’m so happy you came here and yelled at me.”
“I can’t believe I did.” I wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve.
“I can. When you’re passionate about something, you go all out. I remember once you were intent on saving this family of ladybugs, and you wrote an entire rulebook for the family on how to take care of them. You made us all sign an agreement page, and you were eight, maybe nine?” He laughed, the lines around his eyes deepening. “I promise you, right now, that I will never put hockey above you again. There might be emergencies, butus, this… this matters more. I want to be in your life, kid. Could I have another shot?”
I nodded before he even finished the sentence and pulled me into another hug.
“Yes. I think I’d like to try again.”
“So, about that dinner?”
