“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling it in every cell of my body. She’d been hurt enough from her dad, sister, hockey, life. She didn’t need me confusing things by kissing her when it couldn't lead anywhere. Not really.
“For what, exactly?”
“All of it.” I swallowed, the movement causing an uncomfortable lump in my throat. Her coldness toward me hurt more than I anticipated. She wouldn’t look at me, and her voice...it was distant. “Naomi, please,” I said, unsure what I was pleading for. Her to forgive me? For her to look at me like she liked me again?
“What?” She faced me, red covering her cheeks and neck. Her eyes narrowed with impatience. She crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side. “I don’t appreciate being kissed then dismissed.”
“I know.” I ran a hand through my hair as all the muscles in my face tightened. “Fuck, I know. I regretted it the second I did it.”
She recoiled like I’d hit her. It took me a second to replay my words, and I reached out to gently touch her shoulder. “No,no.Not kissing you. I don’t regret that one bit. I meant… reacting like that when Erikson said my name.”
She looked at the ground and nodded, avoiding my gaze. “It’s fine,” she said to the floor. I squeezed her shoulder and waited for her to look up. When she finally did, it felt like someone pulled the cement floor from under me.
Sadness. The same kind of sadness I carried around in my soul reflected back at me. I moved my hand from her shoulder to her neck, wishing I could take her pain and keep it as my own. I was better equipped to handle it. But I wasn’t done, and whatever I said next could make her continue looking at me like that. “I don’t regret kissing you, but it shouldn’t happen again.”
“Okay.”
Just okay? No why? No questions? I frowned. “It’s not you, I swear. You’re gorgeous, and any guy would be lucky to have you.”
“It’s alright,” she said, forcing a tight smile. “I swear, I’m not just placating you. I get it. It’s better that we’re not involved anyway.”
“Because of…” I said, really needing her to fill in the missing gaps here because her blatant acceptance threw me off. What did I want? For her to beg? For her to demand an explanation? Why was I being a tool about it?
“Hockey,” she finished. The way she said the word sounded cursed.
“Right,” I said, somehow needing to fill the awkward silence. It was more than hockey, but none of those reasons came to mind. Instead, I dropped my hand from her and took a step back. “I don’t have a lot of friends here, Naomi, and I want to keep you as one.”
“Yeah, we can remain friends, for sure.” She smiled, but the movement didn’t reach her eyes.
“Okay, cool.” I exhaled, hating the rock in my stomach. It wasn’t pebble-sized either. It was more like a boulder, growing by the second as Naomi pulled away from me.
“I should get back to my friends,” she said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder in the wrong direction. My lips twitched even though the mood was off.
“Right, sure.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and forced a smile as she walked away. But then she stopped, turned around, and frowned so hard lines appeared all over her forehead.
“I invited you here. It’d be rude if I ditched you.”
“Nah, don’t worry. You’re allowed to be rude after what I did.” I sighed. “I’ll probably head out anyway.”
She pressed her lips tight together before saying, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m tired and have a lot of studying tomorrow.” I channeled the same talent I honed after our parents died—the ability to seem unfazed and smile when my insides felt the opposite. “Don’t even worry about it. Have fun. Don’t trip again, or I’ll know.”
“You won’t know.”
“I’ll sense it,” I teased, enjoying how her real smile showed signs of poking through. “Goodnight, Fletcher.”
“Yeah, you too, Reiner.”
I lifted my hand in a wave even though I was five feet from her. When I walked by, I held my breath so as not to take in her citrus scent. I kept up the act as I said goodbye to Freddie and winked at Naomi’s friends. It wasn’t until I was a block away from the apartments that the weight of everything hit me. Pretending to be okay all the time was exhausting, but it kept people from asking questions.
However, tonight it was the fucking worst.
I was alone. Even if I was back home, Ryann had Jonah. I’d be the third wheel of our family. If being friends with Naomi was the only way I got to keep her, then that’s what I’d do. But my heart hurt as I walked toward an empty apartment.
I was back to being by myself, again, and even though it was the right thing to do...it sucked.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
