“Coach Titan! We gotta get a picture!” Garth shouted over the cheering of the team. I whistled and called everyone over to home plate. Fiona chose to stand on the other side of the group—right by Big Al—and didn’t meet my gaze. It bothered me. She had been weird since our conversation and it had gotten worse. We didn’t stand side by side against the fence, nor did we compare notes on the pitcher. Those were some of my favorite parts, hearing her take on a game. But she didn’t grant me any of those little joys. She tried to stay as far away from me as she could, and despite my selfish need to confront her, I knew. I knew in my gut that she was pulling away.
I didn’t have a chance to catch her after the picture. Parents, kids and even news outlets circled me after our team photo. Some wanted pictures, others wanted quotes, but Fiona was nowhere to be found. Anger crept its way into my bones.Is she going to run away without a word?Worry continued to grow in my gut and I had to force an excuse to remove myself from the lingering parents. It was at least an hour before I broke free from their questions. I hadn’t felt dread like this since the call. I jogged toward the dugout, searching for her. Her bag was gone.Fuck.I squinted into the parking lot and relaxed when her blonde hair stuck out. She sat on the hood of her car with her head down.What the hell?
I shouldered my bag and made sure we left the place clean, an odd sense of nostalgia clouding my thoughts. My coach had been right. Coaching this team had reminded me of a lot of things about the world.
Being part of a team was indescribable.
Loving a game I was lucky enough to call a career was rare.
Finding a partner who wasn’t complacent and challenged me brought me to life.
It was done and I wished it wasn’t. I hit the side of the brick wall one last time and made the trek to the parking lot. My entire body tensed with anticipation of the conversation—my hair stood on end and I swallowed down my nerves. “Hey, CFD. Nice season.”
“Yeah. I can’t believe it’s over.” She still hadn’t looked up from her crossed legs. I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from yelling. She was being fucking frustrating and needed to be an adult. “It went by quicker than I thought.”
“Look at me.”
She did and her big eyes were expressionless. Gone was the girl I’d kissed hours ago. Gone was the spunky, feisty co-coach who I’d hoped to continue being with. I rubbed the back of my neck and let out a cuss word. “What’s going on? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“It’s over. The season. Us. It’s all done. You’re ready to head to spring training and you can barely tell you had an injury.” Her voice remained monotone and her goddamn eyes had a blank stare to them. “Thank you, Gideon, for everything. This—”
“Are you fucking kidding?” Shit, I winced when I spotted other people leaving the park. I stepped closer. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Saying goodbye.” She tilted her head and let out a small laugh. “I thought that was obvious.”
“Why? Why does it have to be goodbye?” My voice almost cracked at the end, but I coughed to cover it up. My neck stiffened and the rage I’d felt all last year came back in small stages. “This is it for you?”
“It was a fling. We had fun. That’s what it was, right? We agreed five weeks. We never made promises for more.” She blinked three times before turning her attention to the sky. “I was a challenge to you. It’s dumb to think we would continue to…to what? Fuck? Hang out? We were forced to see each other six days a week. We won’t be around each other anymore.”
“We can still make time for each other, Fiona.”
“How? You’ll be traveling for baseball and I’ll be consumed with graduating and my new job. I can’t miss out on big decisions being distracted. Plus, we weren’t in a relationship. Sure, we agreed not to be with other people, but I do that with all my hookups.”
“Do you really mean that?” I dropped my hands, taking a step back. My voice was calm and laced with venom. My breathing hitched and my heart raced like hell.How can she say those words to me?“It didn’t mean anything to you?”
“No, yes…I don’t know.” She put her head in her hands and let out a hiccupped sigh. Tension clawed in my chest. It was like there was an itch inside my ribs and I couldn’t scratch hard enough to get it. “We weren’t more than two adults enjoying each other’s naked bodies.”
“Wrong. It was more than that.” I took another step toward her and lifted her chin in my hands. Yeah, my hands shook, but I didn’t give a damn. “We could be more.”
She blinked at me. That was her goddamn response. I waited. The crisp air stilled between us—laughter carried over from the remaining players and it clashed with every emotion inside me. Her jaw trembled but then she shook her head. “I should go.”
“So, this is it?”
“Yeah. I don’t see how it could be more.”
I clenched my fists—anger and despair combined into a lethal combination and I had to get the fuck out of there. She wiped her eyes but it didn’t faze me. Not at all. Fuck her. I stormed away but shook my head and went back. She slid off the hood and had her keys in the door, and dropped them when I yelled at her. I couldn’t control it. My voice trembled, the new, raw emotion pouring through me.
“This is total bullshit. I know you have a fear of relationships. We all do. You’re not the only one to lose someone,Fiona. What we had was real. Fuck you for not being decent enough to admit it to me. Yeah, there’s no guarantees in life but when you find someone who gets you, you make an effort.”
Her mouth opened, but I raised a hand to stop her. She didn’t deserve to hurt me anymore. “No—I’m not done. I wanted it all. With you. But you’re scared. I gave you time.” My goddamn voice broke and I swore I felt my heart break. With one last look at her, I lowered my voice and said, “Grow up, Fiona.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Fiona
Michelle warmed up yet another cup of tea and set it on the coffee table. She lingered. She’d begun doing that for the last week and would walk into the room I was sprawled out in, leave and come up with an excuse to come back in. It annoyed me and charmed me. I thanked her and brought the hot liquid to my lips. “You don’t have to babysit me.”
“I’m not. Trust me.” She frowned and tidied the books on the table. They were straight enough. I waited her out for about thirty seconds before she put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Fine. I am. But I don’t understand what’s going on with you. You’re sullen and nothing like the spunky chick you were weeks ago. We don’t talk about your past, or Gideon or feelings. I get it. I really do.” She paused and ran her hand through her hair. It was long and hung down in waves.When did her hair get so long?“My dad cheated on my mom six times. She forgave him every single time he came crawling back. I get shutting yourself down. I do. But this isn’t you. What happened? Did Gideon break it off? Did he ghost you without an explanation?”
