She’d barely had a sip of her coffee before I told her everything. She nodded as I went through the past four weeks. I told her all except the secrets I’d shared with Gideon. No one would know that I’d driven my dad to leave and Justin to his death.
Then Bea smirked.
“Why the fuck are you smiling? I’m stressing out.” I pulled on the end of my hair, enhancing the slight dehydration headache I had.
“Iknewyou slept with him.”
“That’s what you’re focusing on right now? You suck.” I threw a wrapper at her and she chuckled.
“How is he?” An annoying glint came into her eyes.
“Bea!”
“Fine. You better tell me later.” She smoothed the napkin in front of her and gave me an inquisitive stare. “I think you need to let Justin go.”
“Go?” Anger roared through me. “Why would I forget about my best friend? I can’t let him go. I won’t let him go,” I argued, without taking a second to breathe or digest her words. I just snapped.
“Get it out. This is good.” She clasped her hands and had a calm look on her face. It annoyed me. I wanted to act out, yell at her, maybe punch her. But she just waited with the patience of a saint.
I was a lucky bitch to have her as my sister. Our mom always told us having a sister was the greatest gift on earth—and it hit me square in the face. When Bea spilled coffee on her blouse and let out a cuss word, I had an epiphany. Bea had never hurt me. She had never used my feelings against me or pushed me away. Amanda was like a second mother with our age difference, but Bea was my true sister.
“I love you, Bea.”
Her eyes widened to the point that white appeared all around her irises.Have I told her that with sincerity before?“Love you too, sis. Random, but appreciated.”
“I still haven’t forgiven you for wearing my one slutty dress and ruining it. But you’re a damn good friend and I forgot. I’ve been in a weird bubble and distanced myself from…everyone during this independence kick. I realized I don’t need to do that.”
“That dress was the size of a scarf. No teenager should’ve worn that.”
“False. It was perfect to bring the boys to the yard.” I grinned at my reference and she narrowed her eyes. She’d listened to that song every day for a year. Even our mom had sung it. Bea had ordered milkshakes for dessert for months.
“Everyone goes through the independence thing. Yours is different. You stayed at home, I moved away. If you lived hours away, you wouldn’t feel bad about ghosting us. It’s okay. I’m not holding it against you that you haven’t seen my new place.”
“Way to bring the guilt.” I hit my head with my fist. “I didn’t realize I’ve been so self-involved.”
“Yeah—I meant to bring a little guilt, not a full load. My bad. I know you’re busy. The coaching and classes…are you still doing okay with money?”
“I have enough saved up to not work until the spring. I might be a hot mess with my love life, but my finances are in pretty good shape.” I grinned and she whistled.
“So. Gideon Titan doesn’t want to share you, hm?”
“Yeah. It sounds relationship-y, doesn’t it?” I cringed. I was not a slut. I didn’t lie, tease or lead guys on. But I preferred physical connections, not emotional ones. “Or am I just crazy?”
“Define crazy.” She gave me a coy smile. “I get your point, and his. You’ve had hookups that went on for a while that weren’t a relationship. But you didn’t sleep with other guys, right?”
“Right. I thought it would be gross but we never talked about it. It just happened that way. Gideon saying it out loud…it made it official. More real.”I’m a chickenshit. A fucked-up chicken with issues for years.
“Explain this Seth guy. I mean, you had hooked up with Gideon how many times at that point? Five? I know what yesterday was. Amanda wanted to bring you brownies, but I told her no.”
“Thank you for that. I was not good company.”
She smirked with confidence and pointed her finger at me. “Now—Seth. Spill it.”
“I had class. I had a couple drinks with some classmates and I knew him from last year and he bought me a couple more drinks. He smiled and tried too hard. I’ve been in a low place…not dark thoughts or anything, but he provided the perfect way to forget theguilt.”
“Fiona, it’s not your fault.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. We’d been through this hundreds of times before. She would sympathize and tell me how she’d loved Justin, too. How I should talk to somebody. I could recite the script about to come from her. “Have you tried talking to a therapist about it? Seriously?”
I shook my head, remembering the school counselor.I could reach out to her…maybe?“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
