Chapter One
Fiona
“Shut the fuck up.Thebaseball-playing star of my fantasies Gideon Titan?” Spit left my mouth and my pulse raced at the thought of that perfect specimen of a man. His poster hung in my room. He had starred in my dreams more than a handful of times. His eyes, abs and smile…I shivered. Wishes did come true. The receptionist at the Los Soles stadium gawked at me and I held up a hand. “Forgive my language. But please clarify. Who will I be coaching with again?”
Her gaze darted to the door as a blush crept up her neck. “Uh, Gideon Titan. He’s volunteering for the season for the fourteen and under baseball team. You’re paired together.”
“Cool.”Ohmigod.“Thank you.” I tried my best to remain calm and smiled while she printed off the schedule. She chewed on her bottom lip so damn much I wanted to smack her. I couldn’t be the first person to lose their shit at the chance to meet Gideon Titan.
He defined the termmasculine. He put all men to shame. For a baseball-lovin’ southwest chick, he was it. When he was in full form, he was the epitome of perfection.Even with his injury and slight limp, I would take any invitation he offered. I left her desk with the practice schedule, reading about the forty games within four months, four games a week after two weeks of full practice.
Fucking Jade. Amazing, beautiful Jade.I called my pseudo-boss from the non-profit I had volunteered at for the last four years. She was my best friend, mentor and the version of a sister I’d thought my real sisters would be. She answered on the first ring her voice cheery. “Lo?”
“Gideon Titan.”
Jade’s breathy laugh traveled through the phone. “Surprise?”
“Hell, yeah. Best surprise ever. When I asked to get involved with youth sports, I was thinking more like pee-wee soccer. Not baseball. How did you do this?” The fresh air hit my face as I barged through the exit and I couldn’t contain my grin. November in Phoenix had perfect weather—I intended to enjoy every drop of it.
“Well, I know a guy who knows a guy…plus, you’ve put a lot of work into our programs that focus on high school kids. You’re great with them and this will be a good fit. You can talk about the dangers of texting and drivingandget to coach one-on-one with Gideon Titan. I see this as a win-win.”
The stab of pain came and went—I was used to the wave of grief whenever Justin crossed my mind. It got easier to not react to it. I cleared my throat and wiped my suddenly sweaty palms on my jeans. “Thanks for thinking of me for this. I’m grateful. And hello? Gideon. Freaking. Titan.”
“Yeah. I heard he can be a real asshole, but I want every detail.”
My brain wasn’t in the right place to fully comprehend her words. I laughed it off. With a face like Gideon’s, he could ramble on and on about stupid, irrelevant information and I’d still be happy. “You misheard it. I’m sure they meant to say he’s a hot piece of ass.”
Jade sighed, ignoring me.Typical Jade.“Anyway, crazy. We need to talk about that job offer that is still unanswered.”
My throat closed and I let out an awkward grunt. “Mm, yeah. Sure.”
“I’ll let you go enjoy your moment to think about Gideon, but I need an answer, Fi. See you at the office soon?”
“Yup.” I hung up, took a deep breath and started the drive to the shitty two-bedroom apartment I’d moved into a month ago with a former co-worker. I’d made enough the two years before, waitressing at an IHOP, and had saved every last penny to be able to live on my own my senior year. I adored my mom and my childhood home but shit—I needed to cut the cord and live my life. Her meddling personality got in the way, despite her good intentions. I wasn’t a bitch, but I wanted to be independent even if it killed me. Yeah—I had a stubborn thing going and I was damn proud of it.
Jade’s words weighed heavy on me the entire drive. Volunteering at Texting Too Late had started out small to help me cope with Justin’s death. But it had grown into more. Once a month had become twice, and twice a week had become almost daily. The foundation was amazing and it gave me a fulfillment I needed to deal with the guilt, but could I accept a full-time position knowing damn well every day would remind me of him, and my secret?
I gripped the wheel tighter and scoffed at all the couples holding hands.What the fuck? It’s like noon on a Tuesday—why are they just strolling down our shitty street?I parked in the covered carport, spying Michelle’s Toyota, and checked my phone before heading into our modest place.
Jade: You would get to see me every day.
Jade: Diane knows you kick ass with all the money stuff I avoid.
Fiona: Keep the compliments coming. It’s good for my ego.
Jade: You could pick the music station?
Fiona: I would choose 2000s R&B and it’s still a maybe.
I pocketed my phone and pulled my hair up into a ponytail before walking inside. I was quite proud of the way I handled donations to TTL and that our rating had gone up in the past three months. I allocated about fifteen percent of all donations for maintenance, freelance work and advertising, but Jade had proposed moving it to twenty and keeping me on full-time with pay. Diane—the president and founder—agreed.
It had insurance, great benefits and a good salary for a non-profit. I would work with Jade, who was pretty fucking awesome, and have a job on the table before graduating.
But…Justin.
Nah. Not today, grief.I straightened my shoulders, pushing down the negative spiral I was sure to have. I avoided feelings. Tied up, sewed shut. I hadn’t had a relationship that amounted to more than awesome, gravity-defying sex since I was eighteen, but that didn’t really count, and I was okay with it. Sex was easy. Attention was easy. Feelings were not. Feelings did not lead to happiness. I came across as wild, reckless or cold to most, but it didn’t bother me. It was safer, smarter and survival. Light rock music carried from our place and I plowed through our front door. I had news and Michelle Benning needed to hear it.
“Michelle. Get your ass out here right now.”
