I barely whispered, "What happened to all night?"
"You need to sleep." He hugged me closer, his breath warm against my skin. "Now stop talking."
He kissed my neck and let out such a contented sigh. I forced my mind to stop thinking about him. It was difficult though. The man knew how exhausted I was and chose to sleep next to me instead of us pleasuring each other all night.
Who did that?
People who care.
The entire concept of ‘people who care’ terrified me, because the power those people had meant they could hurt and destroy me. Like my goddamn family. I released a heavy sigh and wished I had a switch in my brain that I could flip off so my thoughts would stop. But I couldn’t get what I wanted.
“I can hear you thinking,” Brooks mumbled into my neck. “Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He shuffled his position, placed a hand on my hip and traced circles on it. “Focus on my fingers touching you rather than whatever is bothering you.”
“Stop,” I blurted out.
He froze and became stiff as a board, and I swallowed down my guilt and spoke to the dark side of the room rather than facing him. “No, I meant…you’re being so fucking kind and wonderful. It’s messing with me. I’ve never thought about what-ifs, but now? I can’t seem to stop.”
“What kind of what-ifs?” he asked softly, starting to make the circle on my skin again.
“Like, what if we did see each other besides this morning? What if we do, and it ends horribly, and I can’t recover? Or what if you distract me from my plan? Or my family…god, if they somehow get near you, they’ll sink their claws in and try to get money out of you in any way possible.” I took a breath and hated how my hands shook. Brooks tightened his grip around my waist and pulled me closer into his embrace. “See? This. You being you is making my rules fuzzy.”
“If we’re being honest, I will admit this was my plan.”
“To confuse me?”
“To show you how good we could be together. To have you give me a real chance.” He kissed my neck again. “I really did want to just be a supportive friend to you and show you a good time, but that’s really hard when we’re in the same room together.”
I chuckled.
“Because I know how you look naked,” he added.
“Yes, I got that, B.”
He sighed and was quiet for a minute before he lowered his voice into a whisper. “I would never want to distract you from your plan or goals, Mitch, but I don’t think we need to end whatever is between us. We can still hang out, on your terms, and be together.”
“Just to see how it goes. No promises?”
He tensed. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is. Trust me.” I relaxed into his embrace, knowing this wouldn’t be the last time. “So no goodbyes tomorrow.”
“Correct.” He kissed below my ear. “Fuck, that makes me happy. I was dreading it but trying to act cool.”
“Me too.”
There. I’d admitted the truth and hadn’t burst into flames at telling him part of how I was feeling, and it felt…good. Weird, but good. And with that, I had one of the best nights of sleep in weeks.
* * *
I woke up cold.
My body immediately tensed, arms stretching across the bed, searching for warmth that wasn’t there. My fingers met nothing but sheets. My stomach dropped.
The harsh morning light cut through the small opening in the curtains, slashing golden beams across the rumpled comforter. I lifted a hand to shield my face, blinking against the brightness, my chest already tightening before my brain fully caught up.
