“Then after we can… you know?” I said, hating how needy I sounded. Our time was coming to an end, and I wanted to hold onto all of it as much as I could.
“Oh yeah. Definitely,” he said, glancing over his left shoulder toward the window. Jonah paused, then lowered his mouth to mine. He nipped at my lip and wiggled his brows. “Let’s make this game quick then.”
20
Jonah
Three days later, I wasn’t thinking about the season starting that Friday night like I normally would’ve. My room should’ve had notes and stats everywhere and my mind should’ve been laser-focused on being the absolute best. Instead, it was split into three directions.
Hockey. Ryann. My mom.
The last one messed with me the most because my anger and hate toward my mother hadn’t lessened, nor had the thought of forgiving her crossed my mind. Still, seeing Ryann so upset didn’t sit right with me. When dates came around that involved my mom, I got pissed, not sad.
Would that change if she weregone, gone?
The urge to text her hit me out of nowhere, and I cleared my throat and set my phone further away on our kitchen table. She left me and my dad and didn’t deserve my time.
What if she dies?
The morbid thought caused an unrelenting throb in my chest that I couldn’t talk to Ryann about. Not when she was still walking around with a little sadness on her face. She’d tell me to do what I needed, what I thought was right, and it wouldn’t hurt to just… text my mother.
Jonah: I’m not ready to talk yet but…soon.
Mom: Okay, thank you. I’ll be ready WHENEVER you are. I love you.
She responded in less than a minute, and I wiped my hands over my face, pushing my palms over my eyes before I released a long groan. The pressure in my chest lessened, and it felt like the right step.
I might never forgive or understand her actions, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t have a relationship with her. But it was done, and I could push that thought to the back of my mind.
I had practice in an hour, so my one-track mind forced all thoughts of Ryann away and went into pregame mode. Coach wanted me on the first line which thrilled me to no end, but I had to deliver. Getting the spot meant one thing, stats meant another.
Playing the best and not getting injured were essential, and I stretched and decided to head to the rink early. The unsettled feeling was probably because of reaching out to my mom, and physical outlets always helped.
I clocked up, carried my bag, and made the walk toward the rink. It stood on the edge of campus, and my heart thudded with a different kind of excitement when I approached the doors. The rink was my home, the ice was my safe zone, and hockey was my way to attend college. I loved it and needed it like oxygen, and I couldn’t recall a time that arriving at the rink and smelling the clean cold air didn’t put me at ease.
This time, Michael Reiner stopped talking to another player the second I walked in, narrowed his eyes at me, and marched over with long strides. I froze, absolutely prepared to get punched in the face.
He had to know. Ryann must’ve told him. My stomach soured to the point I gripped my bag tighter and took slow breaths. His eyes were intense, but before he got right in front of me, he smiled.
Wait. What?
“I need to thank you, J.D.” His face softened, and he blinked too much, almost like he was nervous.
“Why?”
“You took care of Ryann.” He smiled, but it was the same half-smile Ryann wore the past few days. Not real or genuine. “Our mom’s birthday is hard on both of us, but she and my mom had all these traditions and well… she told me what you did.”
That we spent the afternoon naked?
I cleared my throat, and he put a hand on my shoulder. “You were there for her. I can’t fucking tell you how much that means to me. I might’ve hated you rooming together, but fuck, I’m glad she has a friend.”
Oh god.
The secret reared its head, and I wanted to sink into the ice and disappear. He looked so earnest and grateful that I nodded.
“Right, yeah,” I said, sounding like an idiot. He had to know his words tore me up inside. It was a struggle, a fight to the death in my stomach. Did I tell him? Did I confess?
Did I end it with Ryann?
