Possibly both.
Ryann.
That’s who I wanted to see, talk to, lose myself in. She’d know what to do or say, and I hurried home, desperate to see her. I was disappointed when the place was empty. No music, no laughter. Just the lingering smell of her lotion.
Jonah: Where are you?
Ryann: Hello to you too. At the library.
Shit. That’s right. She told me she’d be there studying.
I ran a hand over my face, got a bottled water and my backpack, and walked the six blocks to the library as fast as I could. It should’ve worried me, my desperate need to tell her, but it didn’t. I trusted her. I rushed into the double-doors, scanning the first floor for signs of her blonde hair. She sat at the table with three other people, and one guy had his arm on the back of her chair.
He said something that made her laugh, and she tilted her head back, cackled, and the guy leaned closer to her. She didn’t recoil. She let him get in her space—an action very few people did, and something snapped inside me.
I marched over to the table, and her gaze moved to me before I got there. Her eyes widened in pleasant surprise, but the look shifted to concern just as fast.
“Jonah,” she said, moving from the table and standing. “What’s wrong?”
I ignored the wide eyes from her tablemates and glared at her. “Hey, can we talk?”
“Yeah, okay. Be right back guys, sorry. Move onto the next chapter without me.” She chewed her bottom lip and frowned as I jutted my head to one of the empty conference rooms. They lined the south wall, and students could rent or use them if they were empty.
Thank god this one was vacant.
We got in, and I shut the door before she spun to face me. “What’s going on, Jonah?”
I couldn’t stop myself. I cupped the back of her head and slammed my mouth onto hers. I needed her warmth, happiness, joy, reason. All of it. The shit with my mom messed me up so bad that my brain hurt, and I tilted her head back, needing her to give into the kiss.
“Please, Ry,” I begged, staring down at her confused blue eyes.
She hesitated for a second before reaching up and wrapping her arms around my shoulders to kiss me back. It wasn’t a messy, scorching hot kiss. This one was slow. Lots of strokes and teases and moans. I used my other hand to cup her ass and pull her tighter against me. All thoughts of that guy, my mom, and the team left my mind.
It was her.
We kissed for minutes, my hand roaming up and down her back and ass. She tasted like home and sweetness, and eventually I stopped and rested my forehead on hers. It would be cruel to use her to escape my demons, no matter how much I wanted her. “I don’t want to stop, but wearein a library.”
She panted as I did and cupped my face, forcing me to look at her. “Jonah, what happened? Something’s off, and while I could totally make out with you for hours, this isn’t normal.”
I sucked in a breath when she gave me a half-smile, her other hand running through my hair in such a gentle way. I slammed my eyes shut and sagged against her. “My mom showed up after practice today.”
Her face scrunched together, and she closed her eyes. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What did you say to her? What did she say?”
“She wants me back in her life. I told her to get out, that I’d call her if I ever wanted to talk to her.” I gulped and tightened my grip on Ryann.
She nodded a few times. “What’s your gut telling you to do?”
“I don’t fucking know. Ineededto see you.” I pushed away from her, ran a hand through my hair, and paced the small room. “Am I an asshole for what I said to her? She was crying and saying she loved me, but she put mydadthrough hell. How can I accept that?”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”
I faced the one small window the room had, unable to bring myself to look at my roommate. If there was judgement on her face, it’d break me. I already blamed myself for why my mom left, but if Ryann thought I was a total jerk, I’d sink even lower. “I can’t afford this type of distraction with the season happening in two fucking weeks.”
“I thinkyoumore than anyone can use this to fuel you. She left you and made you think it was somehow your fault when she’s a grown woman who fucked up. She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, Jonah. Play your heart out, finish the season,thensee if you’re ready to talk to her.”
