Jonah nodded, and his shoulders seemed less tense. “Good. That’s good.”
“Yeah, so knock it off with the heated looks in front of the guys, okay?” I said, kicking his shin under the table.
His eyes got wide. “Did you kick me?”
“Yes.” I laughed, enjoying the way lines appeared on the sides of his eyes as his lips curved up. “It got you to smile, so it was worth it.”
He shook his head and gave me a long, warm look, just as another group of students entered the café with excited chatter. I got up and went behind the counter to take their orders, glad for the break from Jonah. He was worried about me being mad, wanting to make sure I knew the girl wasn’t his idea. It was dangerous to enjoy his concern because that meant feelings were involved—which they couldn’t be.
We were friends who understood each other, who were attracted to each other and had too much to lose for it to be anything more. That was it.
* * *
This would be my first time closing up the café, and while I didn’t want to confirm Jonah’s worries about me walking home alone at midnight, I was really glad he was there with me.
“Sure you don’t need any help? I don’t mind.” He wore his backpack as I finished mopping.
“I’m almost done.” I moved back and forth a few more steps, making sure to clean up all the crumbs and grime that collected over the day before I wrung out the mop in the bucket. “Let me go dump this.”
I picked it up and disposed of the gross water outside before coming back in and placing everything in order. The cash from the register was stored in a safe inside locked cabinets, so I had to make sure the doors to the library were shut and secured.
“You look proud of yourself,” Jonah said, his voice softer than normal. I caught him staring at me with a half-smile, and it released a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.
“I am.” I beamed back at him. “This was my first time closing up, and it makes me feel like I can do this. I can support myself on my own and not have to go to my brother for anything.”
His brows came down in a hard line, like the mere mention of Michael snapped whatever warmth he had for me. “Why wouldn’t you think you could? You seem persistent and tough.”
“Thanks, J.D.,” I fired back, unsure why his question annoyed me.
“I meant that as a compliment.” He frowned harder and ran his fingers through his hair. “You got a new place and a job all without him, so I guess I don’t see why you doubt yourself.”
That made better sense. I nodded as I scooped up the tips I earned on top of the base pay and put the forty dollars into my pocket. I motioned Jonah to leave through the main entrance doors, and once we were both outside, I locked up and triple checked. “When my parents died, Michael took over my life for me for a bit. I was… a mess. Seventeen years old. Senior year of high school with no parents and having to live alone in a huge house for a few months to graduate…I refused to face reality. I didn’t pay attention to money or how to be an adult on my own. I grieved.”
“As you should’ve. I can’t even imagine how hard it was, or is.”
We walked side by side, our hands accidently brushing every few steps, and the sounds of nighttime greeted us. The bugs, the subtle laughter of a party from a few blocks over, and the utter quiet that came with this time of day. I loved it. My parents always let us sit on the back porch once the sun went down, and watch the stars after a bad day. And the memory hit me right in the chest.
“I miss the little things the most. You know, when I was upset about something trivial like girl drama or a crush, my dad would let me stay up late and we’d sit in the backyard and stargaze. We’d never talk unless I wanted to, but that silence, that moment… those collected into a million moments, and I miss them so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes.”
Wow. The words flowed out of me, surprising me how good it felt to open up to him, to tell him all that. My heart beat fast at the confession, and instead of wanting to bolt, I wanted to keep going.
Jonah took my hand in his, wrapping his strong fingers around mine and rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. It was gentle, sweet, and exactly what I needed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
All those touches and shoulder squeezes made me cringe when people offered comfort, but this… this handholding felt like a warm blanket, and the feeling was addicting. I squeezed his hand back, and instead of letting go, he seemed to tighten his grip for the rest of the walk.
“Do you, uh…need help with finances?” he asked, right before we headed up the stairs to our front door. “I got pretty good at assisting my dad and can show you my spreadsheet or help you with one. I don’t know. Only if you want.”
My throat got tight again, and I nodded. “That’d be great, Jonah. Thank you.”
He looked at the ground for a second, and the streetlight put a soft glow on his handsome face. The strong jaw, the great cheekbones, the full lips that rarely curved up. My pulse raced knowing how those lips felt against mine, and it would be crazy to kiss him right now, outside. It was inappropriate…right?
He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he jutted his chin toward the stairs. “Come on, we can work on it tomorrow. You need to rest your foot after being on it for so long.”
He let go of my hand and placed his on my lower back, keeping it there the entire walk up the stairs. His heat spread through my shirt and onto my skin, and my emotions played a dangerous game.
The feelings-free zone was the safest, smartest route to take, but gentle touches from Jonah that had nothing to do with sex were slowly taking down each wall guarding my heart. It wasn’t complete destruction though, just a subtle removal of a piece here and there. I had to be careful.
We got inside our place, and despite how badly I wanted to kiss him, I needed more distance.
