Asshole.
“Where do you volunteer?” I asked, glancing at her and trying to figure out how to end this conversation. What was the proper way to stop it? Did I tell her I wasn’t interested? Did I lie? What was the right move without hurting her feelings?
This was why I hated this shit. I was sweating, nervous, and feeling so unsure my head hurt, and staying home was familiar, easier. I gripped the edge of the chair and took a deep breath, hoping it would help the bubble of unease taking over my body.
“At an animal shelter. I want to be a vet and thought it’d be good to get some hands-on experience.” She looked at her lap and shrugged, and I exhaled before looking around to signal someone for help.
I didn’t mean to meet Ryann’s gaze. Her blue eyes flashed with surprise and something like joy when she saw me, but they shifted to the girl next to me, and my gut tightened.It’s not what you think.
She had to know I didn’t plan this. I never did relationships or flirting or any of this shit. Her face tightened for a second, but that was it. No hurt, just surprise. She broke our connection and moved toward her brother who was at the grill. He made her laugh, a sound that was slowly becoming one of my favorite things.
“Rachel,” I said, hating myself for even attempting this to placate a teammate. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t want to upset you or lead you on. I… don’t do this.” I winced and wiped a hand over my face.
She smiled and reached over to squeeze my forearm. “You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I’m not nervous, well a little. I don’t date or have relationships, so I think I’m going to go say hi to a friend. You seem great. Nice, cute, uh… but I don’t flirt. Best of luck with everything.” I stood without looking at her face and shoved my hands into my pockets. That was brutal, and I had no idea how people flirted or small-talked every weekend.
My brain hurt, and my heart beat too damn fast, and staying at this cookout was the last thing I wanted. But Ryann was here.
My roommate propped herself up onto the deck railing so her bare legs dangled down, and Lex was telling her a story about something when I approached them.
Lex grinned at me in surprise. “Hey, it’s great you’re here, J.D. Glad you came.”
“Thanks,” I said, meeting Ryann’s amused expression over his shoulder. “This sort of thing happen a lot?”
“Nah, just once or twice before the season starts.” He shrugged and winked at Ryann. “Gotta help Reiner on the grill. The dude thinks he can cook, but he burns something every time.”
Ryann snorted at him as he departed the deck and that left me and my roommate, two feet apart. My heart beat fast in an entirely different way than moments before.
She smiled up at me, amusement dancing in her eyes. “It’s great you’re here, Jonah.”
“I didn’t mean to have that girl talk to me,” I said, making her blink and sit up straighter. “Patrick didn’t leave me a choice, and she walked here with me, and I just… I didn’t even know what to do.”
She licked her bottom lip for a second before laughing. I would’ve enjoyed it if it wasn’t at my expense.
“What’s so funny about this?”
“You.” She scrunched her nose and leaned closer to me. “It’s good you came with her.”
“Wait.What?” Did that mean she would flirt and be with other guys? Did we need to talk about that or was I totally out of the loop?
“The team does this thing where they hang out, shoot the shit, and bring girls. It’s bonding. It looks like you’re trying.” She waved as one of the other seniors said hi to her. It made me grit my teeth at how she knewallof them well.
How did I not notice her last year? She was hard to miss.
“You’re not—” I paused, my throat dry and uncomfortable. My face flamed at what I had to say next. “Mad? At me?”
She pursed her lips but never got a chance to respond. Michael walked toward us with a plate of hot dogs. “Can you get the buns, Ry?”
“Sure thing.”
She waltzed inside, leaving her brother standing close to me with very hot tongs. He smirked as she came back, and there was no way he couldn’t read my mind. How could I look natural after sleeping with my teammate’s sister? I forced myself to relax my posture, and I counted the bricks stacked on the side of the yard. Every part of my body was taut, and sweat dripped down my temples.
“Thanks,” he said to her, grabbing the bag once she returned, and then he set everything on the table. “Time to eat, all!”
Various team members got up from their position, and a line formed for the food, but I didn’t move. Ryann stood waiting and being near her felt too intimate right now. She still hadn’t answered me about being mad, which made me overthink everything.
Did she expect us to be exclusive or no? It wouldn’t be a problem for me, but it could be for her. The thought of seeing her go on dates or be with other dudes while we were in our arrangement sent a ball of hot jealousy through me. I needed to clarify that the first chance I got.
