“Two more bites for you.”
“Then what?” I asked.
“You spill your darkest secrets.” She smiled, tapping her finger on the table and looking at me with zero judgement. It felt like a gift I didn’t deserve.
“Don’t have dark secrets.” I took one bite and let it sit in my mouth for a second before swallowing. Then I took a second. “I swear.”
“What are you afraid will happen if you talk to your mom?”
“Oh, we’re going straight to it, huh?” I snapped, sucking in a breath and settling myself. “Ry, I’m a fucking mess in my head. I don’t know what I should do or feel about anything. The only consistent thing is being the best on the ice and helping my dad.”
“Why is the losing the scholarship so important? There’s financial aid, right?”
“My dad is almost bankrupt, and honestly...” I trailed off, studying her freckles again. “My mom blamed hockey for leaving, and getting a scholarship makes it all worth it, you know?”
“You earned another bite,” she said, her voice soft again.
I brought the sandwich to my mouth and bit down, unable to break our stare. She was watching me eat, which sent a thrill down my body.Knock it off.
“I understand why you’re focused, but Jonah, you should hear your mom’s apologies. It’s not my place, okay? Iknowthat. But look at me and Michael. I would much rather have my mom alive and be furious with her. You don’t have to forgive her. I don’t know if she’ll ever deserve it, but avoiding her? You’ll combust, and that’s not productive to your goal.”
My jaw tightened again. I wanted to end this conversation. My leg bounced up and down, and the door was two feet behind me. I could run out, and I knew she wouldn’t be able to catch up to me. I could go for a late jog or head to the twenty-four hour gym. The physical release would help for sure, but then what?
She stared at me, her mouth slightly parted, her face void of any judgement, and the guilt from earlier returned.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice gravelly. “For lying to Paxton.”
“I wasn’t technically lying. I do want ice cream.” She took another bite and passed it to me. “But you’re welcome.”
She did it so easily, like we were on the same team. It had been so long since I had someone there for me, willing to take my side, and the notion caused my heart to swell.
That was unacceptable.
“Tell me something messed up about you. I need to even the scales right now. I hate…the imbalance.”
“It’s not a competition of who has a harder situation.”
“I know, but please,” I said, my mind swirling with so many goddamn emotions. The way she lied for me, brought me here, encouraged me to talk to my mom… throw in her full lips and our almost kiss, and I was fucked.
“Hmm, okay. Well, instead, I think we should talk about Sunday. You dodged me for two days, Jonah.”
I gritted my teeth. I was being a coward, plain and simple
“I can’t stop thinking about what almost happened, and instead of facing you and talking about it, I avoided it.” My heart hammered so hard she had to hear it. My pulse never pounded this hard on the ice. This was a new game, one I didn’t train hours on end for, and one I was a novice in. “Do you want to uh, talk about it now…here?”
“Not if you’re uncomfortable.” She traced her finger on the tabletop, and I noted the bright green color of her nails. It fit her so well that it almost made me smile.
We had insane chemistry. She understood my dedication to hockey and my need to be the best. I could talk to her about the shitty stuff with my mom, but none of that made it okay to think about my teammate’s younger sister this way when we both knew there was too much at risk.
“I have no idea.”
“We get along, Jonah, right?” she asked, her voice small.
“Yeah, we do.” I sighed, my lips curving into a smile the more I stared at her. Her eyelashes were longer than I remembered, and I wanted to erase the unease in her warm blue eyes. “I’m sorry for how I acted the past two days, now, all of it.”
“I get why you avoided me, even though I didn’t like it. Either way, we’ll need to talk about it.” She sighed, and her gaze moved over my face, mouth, shoulders before she blinked slowly, like being near me bothered her too. “Are you attracted to me?”
“Yes,” I blurted out, my ears turning into lit matches from embarrassment. “Sorry,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut. “Yes. I’m attracted to you, Ryann.”
