She sighed and the sound went directly to my heart, squeezing around it to the point I slammed my eyes shut. “I wanted to talk to my son.”
“Talk to your new one,” I fired back, hating how Ryann seemed to disappear under the table. She slid down and took one step toward her room before I wrapped my fingers around her wrist and yanked her back to the chair. I needed her there. She knew my past, and I couldn’t explain why her presence was essential, but it was.
She yelped but remained seated, her brows furrowed into a hard line.
“Jonah,” my mom said, her voice breaking. “I miss you.”
I remained numb to it. “You don’t get to miss me. You’re lucky I even answered the phone.” My head pounded, and I needed to end the call. “We have nothing to talk about. You don’t give a shit about my life, so if it’s money you’re after, I don’t have any.”
She gasped and let out a wretched sob that made me feel like I could throw up. I hung up the phone and panted like I’d run five miles. Everything hurt. My mind, my heart, my body. I wanted to simultaneously punch a wall and cry.
I rubbed my palms over my eyes and counted to ten with slow, deep breaths that didn’t help the growing pressure in my body. “I need to go.”
“Where?”
“Out. I don’t know.” I stood up and searched for my keys and wallet. I shoved them in my pocket and grabbed a sweatshirt. “I need to walk.”
“Alone or…?”
Her question stopped me cold. She studied me with her pretty lips pursed and her brows drawn in concern. It was the lack of fear or pity in her eyes that made me say the unthinkable. “You’ll come?”
“Of course.” She got up, slipped her sandals on, and stood next to me at the front door with her face set in determination. “We need ice cream and cookies. Hell, an ice cream sandwich made with cookies. I won’t take no for an answer, J.D.”
She led me out the door, pushing me through the frame before she locked up and we headed down the stairs. They were significantly sturdier with the new foundations in place, but my legs still shook from the adrenaline. Ryann walked fast, and I caught up so we were side by side.
Losing my mom to my best friend’s dad meant I also lost the person I talked to about hard stuff. And it wasn’t like I could complain to my dad because his life was even worse. Bottling my feelings up for years and avoiding them had caught up to me, and I was so thankful for Ryann, I could’ve hugged her.
The fact that I wanted to ruin this by kissing her splashed over me like a bucket of cold water. I couldn’t be an idiot when I had a friend for the first time in years.
She hummed a showtune and paused when we reached a corner. “Ithinkit’s to the right. The place.”
“Where are we going?”
“Shh, don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.” She bit her bottom lip, the gesture a sharp reminder of what we almost did two days ago. My head got lighter. Fuzzier.
I ran my hands over my face, groaned, and stilled when a small hand landed on my arm. My emotions were on overload, and without a physical outlet, I had no idea what to do.
“What’s your favorite movie?”
“What?” I opened my eyes and glared at her. Why the hell would she ask me that now?
“You heard me.” She headed right, not removing her hand from my forearm as she brought me with her. Instead, she looped her arm through mine and kept her attention straight ahead. “Mine is probablyThe Day After Tomorrow.”
“That’s a terrible movie.”
“Doesn’t matter if it’s bad. It’s a great escape.”
“Kinda likeStranger Things?” I said, something warm and weird creeping into my chest. “It helped you heal?”
“Yes, J.D. Disaster movies with a happy ending helped me.”
My eye twitched when she used my nickname. While I hoped she wasn’t annoyed with me, more the situation, I tried to say something to erase the worry lines on her face. “I haven’t talked to a single person about what my mom did besides you and my dad.”
“You can’t keep that bottled up. It’ll destroy you,” she said, her voice softening and her grip on me growing tighter. “Why not talk to your teammates?”
“I don’t want them to treat me differently.”
“They wouldn’t. I promise you.” She sighed, the sound was so feminine and sweet it almost made me smile. “Have you seen a counselor? Would you consider it?”
