“What is there to say? That I won’t forgive her? That she has no place in my life anymore?”
“Do you want that?”
“I don’tknow, Ryann.” He stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “God, of all days for this to happen and I can’t even go on a run.”
He looked so broken, distraught even, I got up and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting the side of my head on his chest. It felt nice, right, somehow, with our bodies pressed together.
It distracted him for a second, his body getting tighter before he brought his arms around me. “You hate touching.”
“Yeah, not right now though.” I squeezed him harder, taking in his clean laundry and soap smell, and didnotrun my hands up his back. I rested them nice and polite on him and waited for Jonah to end the hug. Thirty seconds went by, then more, and he made no move to end it.
He rested his chin on the top of my head and sighed, the sound piercing my heart. I decided that yes, his mom was alive, but this pain was sharper and harder to understand than me losing my parents. There wasn’t a competition for who was allowed to be sadder, but in the months after losing them, I got caught up in how unfair it was that it happened to me.
Thiswas unfair too.
“You’re shaking,” I said, leaning back and staring up at him. “Jonah, hey.” I frowned, holding his dark brown stare for a beat. “Want to know what I did after my parents died?”
He nodded and blinked, his long lashes fanning over his cheeks. His eyes were beautiful, soulful, and an open window into his thoughts. Right now, he was swirling into despair.
“Binge-watched shows.”
He scoffed, and I reached up to cover his mouth with my finger. “Shh. I know you don’t have time for it, but we’re stuck here for at least the rest of the day, bud. I’m telling you,Stranger Thingsis addicting and you can’t stop watching. We’ll be able to finish it in one day too.”
“I don’t watch TV a lot.”
“I understand. Trust me, this show will distract you.” I slid off him, already feeling the loss of his warmth, and went to the TV to get the show ready. He watched me carefully, and my face heated, remembering what happened when we both sat in front of the screen before. “Okay, it’s loaded. Grab a snack and buckle up.”
“I have my shake.” He shifted, his movements jerky and stiff, completely opposite of how he was on the ice. He plopped down on the couch, not quite on one end, leaving me to either sit right next to him or make a point to sit against the opposite edge.
He grabbed one of the pillows and tossed it against the end furthest from him, meaning my only option was by him. My legs felt like Jell-O as I joined him, our thighs touching as the show started.
I had seen the show before, every season, but it was on my list to rewatch at some point, and today seemed like the right time. He remained stiff for the entire first episode, not making a single movement. By the second, he relaxed and set his empty shake on the ground. I snuck a glance—his eyes were narrowed at the screen.
“You like it,” I said, elbowing him in the side. “Admit it.”
“It’s fine.” One side of his mouth quirked up, and he sighed, relaxing further onto the cushions. His weight caused me to slide into him. My left shoulder leaned against his, and our legs were completely side to side. My heart raced with the contact, but my goal hadn’t deviated. He needed comfort, as a friend.
Friend.
“I can stop the episode.” I held up the remote, pausing it from playing the next episode. His gaze sliced through me. “Yeah, you’re not into it. I’ll keep watching in my room,” I said, toying with him as I stood up. He gripped the back of my shirt in his large hand and yanked me back onto the couch, the action so unlike him I gasped.
“Give me that remote.” He leaned onto me, his chest inches from mine, and reached out to try and get the device. His breath tickled my face as he looked down, his eyes lighting up in challenge. “I’ll take it from you.”
“Will you now?” I squirmed, moving my hips to adjust to the weight of him. Jonah sucked in a breath, his lips parting at our position. I didn’t move though.
Neither did he.
His gaze dropped to my mouth for a second before he snatched the remote from my hand. “Got it.” Once he held it, he moved back and had the biggest,goofiestsmile on his triumphant face. He pressed play and positioned himself further into the couch, completely relaxed and not giving anything away.
My stomach somersaulted over and over, doing an entire gymnastics routine as I tried to catch my breath. He totally flirted with me, yet he looked too relaxed. I sighed and crossed my arms, moving one leg over the other to put some space between us. My attraction to him was becoming a problem, even though I said I could ignore it. I could.
But I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
It was tough, but I focused on the show rather than his body movements as the third episode concluded. He stretched, making the smallest groan, and I clenched my legs together.
“God, it feels good to be right,” I said, smirking when he turned toward me. “You aresohooked.”
“It’s…decent.” He shrugged, his fingers twitching on the remote. He studied me, his tongue tracing the side of his lip. “Cocky is not a good look on you.”
