I tamp down my thoughts and go enjoy the moment for what it is.
It can’t be more.
I bring his cookies and coffee.
“Here you go, Santa.” I smile. Tate's blue eyes twinkle behind the small frames. His broad shoulders pull at the fabric of the costume.
Thanks, Alli.” His eyes roam over my body. I’m wearing oversized red plaid pajamas. The furthest from sexy that you can get and yet his heated gaze tells me it might as well be lingerie.
My cheeks heat as that look brings back a flood of feelings from the other morning.
I can’t let it go there though. It would hurt too much to have him but not keep him. To have us on the edge of something great and never being able to step over.
So, when he leans down to pull me to him, I place a chaste kiss to his cheek instead. My lips linger on the skin above his fake beard for longer than necessary. I let the smell of his detergent and that distinct spice washes over me.
When I pull back, his gaze seems to soften with understanding. This thing between Tate and I hasn’t needed many words.
He just knows.
He seesme.
The Christmas lights twinkle in his eyes as they bounce between mine.
He gives me a single nod of understanding, letting his head rest against my hair.
Only for a moment. Then he straightens.
I watch him all the way to the door. He turns the knob and opens the door. He hesitates there. A glance over his shoulder and a whispered goodbye.
“Goodnight, Alli.”
Then he was gone.
Chapter 15 -Allison
Christmas morning has always been a magical time of year for me. I know it’s not like that for a lot of people, especially those that grew up in the system, like me.
However, I still choose to make it magical. I spent so many years just waiting to be a grown up so I could make life fun.
So that’s what I’m gonna do for my kids. Even when I’m not totally feeling it. We are still gonna do the damn thing.
I crack up Mariah and get my coffee on.
The boys come tumbling down the stairs. Matty has gotten comfortable here. It seems like he lives here sometimes. Especially with the way he slides in the exact same spot of the railing as Hudson.
“Morning mom!” Hudson calls as runs past me to his stocking.
“Morning mom!” Matty calls as he follows him. His step stutters and his ears turn brighter than the tree lights. “Uh— I mean, Ms. Alli.”
“Morning, boys.” I say brightly, ignoring the pang in my chest at the sentiment. I smile and pass them their hot cocoa.
A knock comes at the door.
“That must be your dad.” I say.
“Yeah, right.” Hudson huffs.
“I meant Matty’s.” I correct softly. Hudson perks up. Then he seems to remember something and deflates again. I frown but don’t comment. Not now anyway. I don’t want to bring the morning down.
