I hadn’t realized he wished he’d never become a dad in the first place.
Why go through the pain of trying so hard for a second child, if you didn’t even want the first one?
My heels click at a brisk pace against the tile floor of the dimly lit hall. I let the heavy door slam shut behind me.
I wait until I'm in my car to let the sobs break free. I give myself five good minutes to let it all out. Hands gripping the steering wheel, forehead resting on my knuckles and mascara tears dripping onto my pantsuit.
I wipe my nose with a tissue and shoot off a text to explain my sudden absence. I’m still banking on the promotion.
Someone has to pay the bills and Hudson's hockey gear.
It’s just another reminder that I can’t depend on anyone else. And I hate that I ever let myself forget that.
I won’t let myself or Hudson be hurt like that again.
Chapter 5 -Tate
After the calendar shoot, we have to go directly into practice. This is my first practice with the team so I know all eyes will be on me today. I place my stick near me, so no one touches it. Some guys have superstitions — kissing skates, singing a little song before hitting the ice.
For me, no one touches my stick or my tape. I don’t want their bad ju-ju on it. I don’t want to have to broadcast it, but I guess that comes with the territory of being the new guy.
Ryan, the rookie, picks up a water bottle off the bench and squirts it into his mouth. Jordan does a double take. “Dude, is that my water?”
“No?” It definitely was. I dig through my bag for my roll of tape. I spot the familiar off white in the bottom of my bag. I wrap my stick continually until it’s almost too much.
“Geez, got enough tape?” Ronan eyes my stick. “Can I use yours?”
“No.” I don’t offer an explanation. His eyes flick down to the tape and back. He frowns curiously but is quickly distracted by Ryan begging Bradley, the equipment staff, to sharpen his skates. If he does, he’ll be the last one on the ice and Coach will have him skating drills until hislegs give out. Seeing as Ronan is the veteran that adopted this year's rookie, Quade is his responsibility. I think he secretly enjoys bailing him out of everything.
Out on the ice, I glance around hoping that Allison might be coming by. She disappeared in the middle of the photo shoot. I don’t really know her well, but it doesn’t seem like something she’d do. I can’t ask Emalyn because she left right as the event ended. I overheard her tell Ronan that she’d be in Los Angeles until game day.
I slice the ice hard, but my blades feel heavy, my arms sluggish. No matter how fast I push, my mind keeps darting to Matty starting his first day of school and Mom back home. Lately, it feels like I’m failing on all fronts.
I shake my head, letting my eyes scan around the edges of the rink.
Where did Allison disappear to?
During that phone call her shoulders were up by her ears. By the time I’d glance back to her again, she was gone.
By the end of practice, I'm exhausted and disappointed in my performance. If Coach Randall’s face is anything to go by, I'm not the only one.
I hold my head high through the tunnel. Tomorrow will be better. Hopefully. For now, it’s time to go get Matty.
***
In the players parking lot, I’ve just parked my ass behind the wheel when my phone starts pinging. One after the other.
Frozen Five
*Ronan added you to the chat*
Ronan
*1 video attachment
I click on the video and immediately throw my head against the headrest with an audible groan.
It’s of me at the calendar shoot. I was feeling a little goofy and a little drunk on Allison’s subtle attention. The video is only a few seconds long but I’m dancing like I work in a different branch of the entertainment industry.
