I put my hand on her knee. “I’m sure you did everything you could. But there’s only so much you can do for a person.”
“She struggled to keep a job or any friends, even her family started distancing themselves from her.” She looks down at her lap with anger, but it quickly fades away when Gracie tries to grab hold of her nose. “When she got pregnant, she was different. She seemed happier, like this baby was giving her a new meaning to life. At first I was worried, but when I saw her glowing and smiling more, I thought this could be what she needed to get better. A reason to want to push harder in life.” She sniffles.
“And it did. Throughout the pregnancy, she was a different person. She was back to her old happy self. It's why she named her Gracie, it means blessing. And that's what she was, at least while it lasted.” Her smile turns sad once more as another tear slips out, and I pass her a tissue. She takes it and wipes it away. “But then after she gave birth, it started again. She was even more depressed than before. I was at her house every day at that point because most days she wouldn’t even get up to take care of Gracie. I was worried about the both of them.”
God, I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. To watch your friend go through that and not be able to do anything.
“She never harmed Gracie in any way, but sometimes she would get into these fits of rage, and I just didn’t know what todo,” Nadia says with defeat while gliding her fingers down the back of Little Tulip’s hair.
Gracie starts trying to push against Nadia’s chest, indicating she wants to be let down. Nadia places her on the floor and watches her crawl away before picking up her wine and taking a deep swallow. “I forced her to see a doctor who said it was postpartum depression and would fade with time. He prescribed her medication to help, but she never took it. That morning, I knew something was off. I was about to head over to her place when she told me not to, that she had things to do and was going to drop off Gracie. I should have known.”
I rub her back soothingly as she cries for the loss of her friend. “You couldn’t have known…”
“But I did, I felt it. The way she kept hugging and kissing Gracie, like she was saying goodbye. And then when she hugged me, it felt different. She even said, ‘Take good care of my girl.’ It was unusual for her to say that, usually she would just say,‘I’ll be back soon.’I should have connected the dots.” She blows her nose and takes more of her wine before continuing.
“After a few hours and no news, I was starting to get worried, and I didn’t have enough diapers or formula for Gracie. We only lived a five-minute walk away from each other, so I headed over to her place.” She lets out a deep breath.
“When I saw her car in the driveway, I thought maybe she just needed a break and was resting. I went in, got the formula, then went to Gracie’s room to get diapers, which was right beside the bathroom.” She puts her face in her hands and sobs louder as I feel my own tears surfacing.Fuck, I can’t even imagine being in that situation.
“There was pinkish water coming out from under the door, and I could hear it still running inside. I pushed the door open, and there she was. In the bath, with both her wrists slit… she had bled out.” Nadia forces the words out as she scrunches upher face. “I closed the door and ran to the kitchen to call 9-1-1. It was then that I noticed a note on the table addressed to me. She knew I would be the one to find her. It said she was sorry, but she didn’t have a choice. And that everything I needed to know about Gracie was in the diaper bag.”
“Do you know why she never told anyone who Gracie’s father was?” I ask her softly.
She shakes her head. “Every time I asked her, she said he was some hotshot and that it was better for him if he didn’t know. That she didn’t want to put that kind of burden on him.”
“Gracie is so far from a burden. Greyson’s an amazing dad and loves her. He would have helped out if he knew.”Maybe she wouldn’t have taken her life if she had his help.
“I think she was more referring to herself than Gracie.” She smiles sadly my way.
Gracie comes back to us and sits up, stretching her arms toward me. I lean over and pick her up, kissing her cheek as I settle her on my lap.
“I saw the picture of you two on the hockey team’s Instagram page. It’s how I found out where you live. Your location is always near here on your account, and you have a picture with the front of the house… I know I must sound like a stalker, I just really wanted to see her, and I didn’t know how else. I tried messaging Greyson on his account, but he never answered.”
“Yeah, he gets a lot of messages from random women, so he never looks at them. I’m sorry he hasn’t reached out, and I’m sorry about the picture. It must have upset you. I never said I was her mom, but not many people know Gracie’s story, so they just assume.” I offer her a sympathetic smile.
“It’s okay, it was a shock at first. But I’m glad she’ll have a mother figure in her life since she won’t remember her own.” She glides her knuckles over Gracie’s cheek as she starts falling asleep in my arms.
Just then the door to the garage opens and Greyson comes in. He smiles at me, but it drops when he notices I’m not alone. “Nadia?”
She turns and looks at him. “Hi, Greyson.”
He strolls over and kisses me on the lips, then his daughter’s head before turning back to the woman next to me. “What are you doing here?” He seems a little upset by her presence, but when he sees the frown on my face, his features change to indifference.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to show up unannounced. I just missed Gracie and wanted to see her… I would have asked first, but I had no way of contacting you.”
His shoulders drop and he sighs. “Shit, sorry. I should have thought that you’d want to keep in touch with her.” He sits down on the coffee table facing us and passes his fingers through his hair.
I place my hand on his thigh and squeeze lightly, smiling at him when he looks up. “I’ll let you two talk while I put this little one down for her nap.”
I stand from the couch with Gracie and let Greyson take my spot. “It was lovely meeting you, Nadia. I’m truly sorry for your loss. Greyson will give you both our numbers so that next time you can reach out when you want to see her.”
“Thank you, Emma. It was nice meeting you, too,” she says before I walk up the stairs to put Little Tulip in her crib.
I place the mug I’ve just finished handwashing on the drying rack when I hear Greyson’s footsteps making their way down the stairs. “She finally fell asleep?”
Gracie was being fussy tonight and refusing to sleep. I’m not sure if it’s simply a phase starting or if it was Nadia’s presence, but she was not having it and has been fighting us for the past hour. Greyson ended up taking over after the first half-hour when he realized none of my attempts were working.
“Yeah. I think she got tired of hearing me try to imitate the characters in her storybooks and figured it would be best to just call it a night.” He chuckles and walks up behind me, arms circling my waist as he kisses the crook of my neck. “Mmm, you smell amazing. I can never tell which flower you smell like.” His nose drags up the side of my neck to the back of my ear.
