Then she went on to say that she was outraged and embarrassed.Of course, she had to make it about her. And wanting me to apologize to him for what? For catching him cheating on me!? God! I hate that woman! Why my dad even puts up with her is beyond me.
My mother and I have never been close. There was a time when I craved her attention and affection, her motherly love, but I quickly learned I’d never get any of that from her. She simply isn’t capable of loving someone other than herself.
Still, despite my hatred toward her, I still find myself doing as she says and trying to please her. Trying to do what she deems isright. I hate it. I hate that I can’t just shake her off and tell her to go to hell.
But this? This, I won’t do. I’ve let a lot of things slide by with my mother, but if she thinks I’ll go back to his unfaithful ass to please her, she can fuck right off along with him.
After that message, I lost my shit once more and spiraled from wrath to depression, finishing the night once more in a puddle of tears.
I don’t often let myself break down like this; I try my best to stand strong all the time and hide my emotions. But after everything that happened yesterday, after spending hours going over every single little detail and interaction in my mind, I knew pouring my heart out was inevitable.
But now it’s done. No more shedding tears over someone who doesn’t deserve them. I didn’t fuck this up—he did.This sappy crying nonsense isn’t me. I’m strong. I’m a fighter. I don’t cower to men and their demands.
But isn’t that what I’ve been doing? Cowering to him, to my mother.
No more. I’m done.
With determination to start my new life right and get back to the old Emma, I whip the cover off my body and stand from the bed. I quickly pull on a pair of black leggings and a simple white top from the duffle bag. Then I brush out my hair with the brush I found while going through the bags in my car after getting that much needed bottle of wine. I didn’t bring my makeup up from the car, so I’ll have to forgo that, but at least I look decent enough.
Once I have all my stuff packed, I leave the hotel and get back inside my Mercedes, ready to find a place to have breakfast while looking at much more suitable hotels. Preferably one that has a bar and a restaurant.
It’s just past ten by the time I’ve filled my belly with delicious food and sit at my table waiting for the check. I’ve already reserved a hotel in New York City for the next week and plan on looking into condos for sale tomorrow. It’s not that I care about living in a hotel or all the money I’m wasting. Money is never the issue when you’re a Mackenzie. But I’d rather have my own place where I won’t have to keep all my bags in my car and depend on the restaurant in the lobby to eat.
I just want somewhere that feels like home again…
My phone notifies me of an incoming text chain from ‘Puck Bitches’as I scroll through my social media. It’s what I had named the girls’ group chat when we were all still close. I haven’t left it. I just never reply to any of their messages, no matter how many times they try to reach out. I don’t even look at them anymore, but today I give in and open the conversation.
Cecilia
Mimosas at my place while the boys are at practice?
Morgan
Already on my way!
Aubrey
Class ends in 30, be there after!
An unsettling knot forms in my stomach as I read their messages.I miss them so much…But it’s not like I can just show up at their place out of the blue after months of ignoring them. They’ll have a thousand questions about what happened, and honestly, I’m not really in the mood to talk about it right now. I just want to move on from my shitshow of a relationship.
I’ll have to find a way to slowly integrate myself back into the group, hoping they’ll still want me…
Cecilia
You’re not with Gracie?
Aubrey
No, she’s with the boys at the rink.
I frown at the two new messages that come in.Who the hell is Gracie?This is the first time I’ve heard about a woman by that name. She hasn’t been added to the group chat from what I can tell, so my guess is she’s still new.I swear, if they’ve already replaced me, I might lose my shit again.
Although I’d probably deserve it…
Aubrey said this Gracie chick is with the guys at practice. Maybe I could go over to the rink where the hockey team practices and check out who my competition is. It’s only fifteen minutes away from here after all and gives me something to do rather than sit here waiting for time to pass. She must be one of the guys’ new girlfriend or something for her to be hanging out with them.
I can’t picture Gabe or Noah, the twins in my old friend group, settling down any time soon, so it must be Greyson, Aubrey’s brother. I mean, the guy is also a real womanizer, but maybe he’s going through some midlife crisis and finally foundtheone.
