Just as I’m about to take a seat, she places her cold, pale hand over mine. “Can you lie down with me?” Her voice is barely audible.
“I don’t want to hurt you, sweetheart. We can sit like this for today.” I smile with affection as I push some dark brown strands away from her face. Her blue eyes seem dull and lack that spark they usually hold whenever she sees me.
“Please…” she begs, and my heart squeezes in my chest.
Fuck it. There’s no way I can say no.I climb onto the bed as gently as possible, not wanting to move her too much. I slide my arm beneath her as she lays her head on my shoulder, my arms wrapping around her tiny body delicately. “Is this okay?”
“Yes.”
I turn my head and kiss her crown. “Does it hurt to talk?” She has a nasal cannula on to help her breathe, and I know she gets exhausted quickly. I don’t want to make it worse by making her talk.
“Everything hurts…”
My eyes gloss over, and I look up to the ceiling, needing a moment to take a breath. I catch Bryan dropping his head into his hands on the couch, having heard his daughter’s heartbreaking words. We don’t talk for a moment, simply holding onto each other with the sound of machines beeping next to us.
“Do you think I will see my mommy when I die?”Oh God…“I don’t want to be alone...”
“You won’t be alone, baby. I promise.” I don’t know what life after death is, but there’s no way I’m telling her that. She’s scared right now and needs reassurance.
“I wish she was here now.”
Tears slip from my eyes, and I make quick work of wiping them away. Then I try to keep my trembling voice from showing. “I know, my love.”
“It’s okay to cry, Emma. Daddy said it was okay to be sad.” She sniffs, and I feel the skin on my shoulder becoming damp. “Will you take care of Daddy when I’m gone?” Her voice quivers as she speaks softly.
I want to scream. I want to punch someone in the face. I want some sort of miracle to happen. This sweet little innocent girl doesn’t deserve this. “I promise.” It’s all I can manage without breaking down.
“Okay,” Maddie whispers with a slight nod before speaking through the pain once more. “Can we play pretend?”
I let out a shaky breath, trying desperately to keep it together. “Anything you want, sweetie. What do you want to pretend play?” I nuzzle into her hair and close my eyes.
“Can we pretend that you’re my mommy for now? Until I have to go…” Her voice breaks at the end, quiet whimpers leaving her body as it shakes in my hold.
A sob breaks free from my lips, no longer able to contain this heartache. “Yes, baby. A thousand times yes. There’s nothing I’d love more.”
The next hour is filled with only the sound of our cries as we stay in each other’s arms until a nurse comes in to give her some pain medication. She falls asleep shortly after, making me promise I won’t leave before she’s sleeping. From then, I cry for another hour alone in my car before heading home to my friends and family.
~ Two Days Later ~
The Griffins had their first home game tonight, which they sadly lost. But they don’t seem too bothered by it. It was close all night until the Dallas Ranchers scored a goal in overtime, making the score five-to-four. So now it’s a two-to-one lead for the New York Griffins in the Stanley Cup Finals.
Usually, I’d be in bed by now, waiting on Greyson to get home. But there’s a huge downpour outside, and I was enjoying the quietness of the house with the sound of rain splattering across the windows. Little Tulip has been in bed for the past four hours,and Greyson should be home any minute, so it’s been just me and my thoughts.
The girls wanted to come over and watch the game together, but I wasn’t much in the mood for company. We plan on joining the boys for their games once they win their third game, even if it’s in Dallas. There’s no way we’re missing their big win if they come home with the cup.
Maddie had a little more spirit today. Her father had texted me earlier saying she was in a better mood and sitting up in bed. So I made a quick stop at the store and got the Candy Land board game, Disney princess edition. Bryan even joined in to play. He was Cinderella, Little Lotus took Rapunzel, and I was appointed Ariel. Because, and I quote, we have the same hair.Makes sense if you ask me.
Greyson walks through the door, closing it quietly behind him and shrugging out of his wet sweater. He makes his way farther into the house but stops short when he sees me sitting on the couch. “What are you doing up, baby?”
“I was just thinking and enjoying the sound of the rain. We haven’t had a big fall like this in a while.” I give him a soft smile.
He trots over and sits down sideways on the couch beside me. Grabbing my shoulders, he pulls me in, bringing my back to his chest until I’m leaning into him. His skin is cool from the heavy rain outside, and I can even smell it on him.
“I used to listen to the rain when I was a kid. There was a reading nook in my room by the window. I would sit there for hours, listening to the rain and thunderstorm. It was so peaceful. I miss it sometimes.” I smile to myself as he starts stroking my hair and kisses my shoulder. “On days when my parents weren’t home, my nanny, Gretchen, would let me run out into the rain. I’d twirl and run around until my toes and fingers were frozen and my clothes were soaked through. Then she’d make me a hot chocolate and run me a warm bath.”
I sigh with warmth in my heart as I recall those wonderful memories from my childhood with my nanny. There might not have been many, but I think that’s what makes them even more memorable.
Greyson hums to himself, then pushes against my back, forcing me to sit straight. He gets up from the couch and offers me his hand. Without a moment of hesitation, I take it. I’d take it even if he were dragging me down to hell. Because I’d be with him, and that’s all that matters.
