Rylee inhaled a deep breath and let it out through her lips.
This push and pull in her heart had been a silent battle.
On the surface, everyone couldn’t help telling her how blessed she was.
To have found a man who loved her and her children with so much heart and genuineness.
But deep inside, Rylee couldn’t help being so resistant… clinging to the belief that she was preserving Lennox’s memory—in her heart, with their children.
To her, Lennox was irreplaceable.
But Xander… Xander was truly a gift from God.
A man who wasn’t looking to fill any spots.
He was greatforher, but she was having the hardest time letting him be greattoher without guilt.
“I promised you I’d wait,” she whispered. Said that to herself and to him.
“Ididn’twait. And, between you and me, I feel like shit for that.”
She swallowed back the cry she wanted to give into.
Not that she had the strength to cry anymore. She’d been crying for seventy-two hours straight and was exhausted.
But still… her eyes watered.
“You promised you’d always be here,” she started. “That when the clouds parted and the sun came through, it was you. Well, Lenny, here I am. Ineedyou right now. Talk to me.”
Her bottom lip trembled as two tears streamed down her face.
“Tell me, because I need to know… is it okay?”
Rylee got down into a squat, finding it impossible to stay on her feet after the question was asked.
She knew the answer. She just really wished she could hear Lennox’s voice confirming what she already knew.
“He loves Nova and LJ.Somuch. And he loves me.”
She pressed her hand to her chest. “And I love him. And sometimes, when he’s around, everything just feels so complete. Like, for a moment, I let myself get lost in the vibe, in the illusion that we’re awholefamily. And I forget that we’re not.That they’re not his but yours. And then, my heart breaks all over again.”
She shook her head, then squeezed her eyes closed.
“I’m scared they’ll forget you,” she admitted, biting at her bottom lip.
“But I’m even more scared that they’ll remember you in sadness forever because every time I mention you, I can’t help but cry.”
Rylee pressed her hand to his gravestone, closed her eyes, and tried to imagine his heart beating.
She could still hear it sometimes.
If she cleared her mind well enough… grounded herself in a memory of them.
What she wouldn’t have given to press her ear to his chest one last time.
To listen as her heartbeat synced up with his.
Rylee sighed, her shoulders sinking a bit at the thought.
