"Thanks, Michele…” My voice breaks. “I'll stop on the way home. I sure as fuck hope it's just a virus though." She laughs at my comment and starts to walk away, but I am so serious. How am I going to deal with being pregnant right now? How can I have a baby in this fucked up life I live? I just found out my dad is the head of the mafia, I am a cop who just got thrown into an auction, my boyfriend is the heir to the Cartel, and my girlfriend killed her ex… Okay, that even sounds crazy in my head. I know they are all amazing people, we just live in a fucking crazy world. Our lives are crazy.
I stop by the gas station on my way home, pick up a test, and some Skittles. I hide the test in my bag so there are no questions before I have answers. My nerves are going a thousand miles an hour right now. I don’t need to have a baby… Between Lopez García and the Starr brothers, now is not the time.
When I walk in the door, the smell of cooking meat invades my nose, and once again, my stomach turns. I run upstairs into the master bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it. I throw my bag down on the ground and barely make it to the toilet before the puke is coming up my throat and nose.
Please just be a virus.
Please just be a virus.
I hope that if I say it enough, it will be true.
I get up from the floor, grab the pregnancy test box out of my bag, wash my face, and grab my toothbrush. This taste of vomit in my mouth is going to make me puke again.
I need to take this damn test, but I really don’t want to.
I brush my teeth and grab the box off the counter. My hands are shaking so bad I can’t even read anything on the box.
“Well, here goes nothing,” I say out loud to myself.
I open the box, ripping the whole thing to shreds with my shaking hands. The test and instructions fall on the ground in front of me. I groan. This is turning out to be more of a pain in the ass than I thought.
I bend down and pick up the test and instructions, setting the test on the counter and opening the instructions. Seems easy enough: pee on the stick, wait three minutes, and read the results. But if it's so easy, why am I hesitating? I can’t even grab the test right now, my stomach is in knots, and my head is spinning.
Just do it, Olivia. You can do it. You need the answers.
When I finally get the urge to pee, I snatch the test off the counter, rip open the wrapper with my teeth, and piss on the stick. I swear this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever done. I swear I feel like I am going to pee on my hands.
When I finish, I set the test face down on the counter, so I can't see the screen. I am too scared to look. I wash my hands three times to make sure no pee is on them. I can’t handle that idea right now, so I pull out my phone and set a timer for three minutes.
I start pacing the bathroom, my mind going a thousand miles an hour.
Alex would be the dad, right?
Fuck, what if it's Tony? I don’t want that fuckers kid.
I shutter.
What if it's Lopez García’s kid…
I start to spiral out of control with my thoughts when my alarm goes off on my phone. I freeze and turn to the test like it’s the monster hiding under my bed.
Okay Olivia. You can do this. Just turn over the test.
I reach out to grab the test and freeze.
Just flip the test, Olivia.
I flip the test, two bold pink lines stare at me, taunting me, laughing at me. I feel the blood drain from my face.
FUCK.
A knock on the door scares me out of my thoughts.
“Hey, Liv, you okay? You have been in there for a while. And dinner is done.” Alex’s voice is soft and gentle. He has been so gentle with me since I started staying with him. I feel bad because I don’t want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells, but I am still working through my issues. Now I am just going to add another issue to the list…
Does he know what I am doing?
“Yeah… I’m okay. I’ll be down in a second.”
