Tucking my forearm behind my head as a pillow, I smile like a fool at her, and she quirks a brow in confusion at my expression. “Tae, that’s amazing. Wait, why haven’t you said anything? How am I only hearing about this now?”
“I’m still not sure if I’m going to go or not.” Her confession is hushed, full of uncertainty.
My face falls slightly. “What has you questioning it?”
“It’s not a full scholarship, and with out-of-state tuition and living expenses not covered, I’d graduate with a lot of debt I’m not sure is worth the risk when I’ll most likely end up a struggling artist after graduation. My dad doesn’t agree with me wanting to pursue a career in music.”
How can’t he see how incredibly talented she is? Even if he’s only ever heard her sing at church—which I can’t imagine is the case with how much joy she gets from singing—her dad should see how special she is.
“Some might call it fate that we could end up going to two separate colleges in the same city,” I suggest, but my stomach sinks at the thought of that reality potentially scaring Taevin. I’ve come to the conclusion that now probably isn’t the best time to bring up the fact that she could live with me off campus after our freshman year to save on living expenses. Hell, I’d ask herto move in with me freshman year if it weren’t for us both being required to stay in the dorms our first year.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, and it’s only now I realize I haven’t told her yet.
“I’m going to sign my National Letter of Intent tomorrow afternoon. My school is putting an assembly together for me, Carson, and a few of my other classmates.”
Her brows crease adorably in confusion. “Jax, you know me enough by now that I don’t have a clue what you’re saying. What is a National Letter of Intent?”
We haven’t discussed what we’re doing next year yet because our relationship is so new, and yet my chest squeezes in hopeful anticipation of what this could mean for us. My head is spinning with all of the plans I can envision us making together in Boston.
“Essentially, I’ll be signing my commitment to play hockey for Harvard next year. Which means if you do go to Berklee, we’d be like a fifteen minute drive away from each other.”
Taevin’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before she quickly sits up and stares out at the field surrounding us. I follow her, wrapping my arm around her bent knee. When I chance a look at her, her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth, seemingly lost in thought.
“Care to share what’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”
She turns her gaze on me. “I’m not sure what to make of the thoughts that ran through my head just now.”
My stomach sinks with dread, and it must be written all over my face because Taevin is quick to add, “No, not like you’re thinking. They’re not bad thoughts—well, depending on how you look at it, I guess they could be.”
“T, you’re killing me right now,” I groan.
“I’m sorry, I’ll try to explain, it’s just, I’m not even sure how to process how I’m feeling at the moment,” she clarifies.
“Did I scare you?” I ask, playing invisible chords on her shin to distract me from the nerves I’m riddled with.
“The opposite, actually,” she admits sheepishly, and my head snaps in her direction so quickly, for a moment I think I’ve given myself whiplash.
“What does that mean, baby?”
Goosebumps erupt down her arms and shin at the term of endearment. She doesn’t need to admit it because I know shelovesit when I call her baby.
“Like I said, I’m not sure what to make of it, but the moment you said we could potentially be fifteen minutes away from each other, all of these images ran through my head.” She hesitates a moment, so I give her leg a gentle squeeze of assurance.
“Like?”
“Like . . .” Tae sighs before continuing. “Like an image of me attending all of your home hockey games while I drown in a Harvard Hockey sweatshirt—”
I cut her off with a scoff. “Please, you’d definitely be wearing my jersey.”
Tae gives me a shy smile as an adorable blush heats her cheeks. “And images of the two of us grabbing lunch between classes. Or holding hands as we walk around Harvard Square.”
I nudge my shoulder into hers, nearly knocking her onto her side. “Keep ‘em coming. Matter of fact, think bigger, Tae. Wanna know what I see?”
She nods in response. “Tell me.”
Licking my lips, I gaze longingly into her eyes before I say, “I see the two of us experiencing our freshman orientations and then telling each other all about it over pizza afterward—we’re going to go to as many pizza places around Boston as we can until we decide on our go-to by our sophomore year.” Pausing, I debate whether or not to go there, ultimately deciding: fuck it. Taking a deep breath, I murmur, “Speaking of sophomore year,you’d graduate with a lot less debt if the two of us saved on rent and lived together.”
A small gasp escapes Taevin as the words leave my mouth, but I don’t have it in me to regret them. I know this is fast. I know I probably just put my foot in my mouth. But I can’t find it in me to care. I want her to know how I feel about her. This thing between us isn’t just a high school fling that’ll fizzle out after the summer. We have a real shot at a future together. Taevin Gray is my end game, and it’s about damn time she realizes it.
