I take a moment to take her in. She looks so tired—beyond exhausted. It’s killing me to see the defeat in her eyes. Leaning down, I grasp her face in my hands and bring my forehead to hers.
Closing my eyes, I plead with her. “Not like this, Tae.”
A soft whimper leaves her lips. “Okay,” she murmurs, pulling her head back just slightly to look into my eyes. She brings a hand to my face and wipes my tears. I bring my lips to hers in the gentlest kiss I’ve ever given her. It’s my plea for her to keep fighting, to make it through surgery and back into my arms.
We break away when a nurse comes back into the room and informs us it’s time for them to take her into surgery.
Before she leaves the room, Tae takes a deep breath and sets her shoulders. With a look of determination she squeezes my hand and says, “I’ll see you soon.”
High heels click against the linoleum floor before the sound halts just outside the hospital’s surgical waiting room. There’s murmured conversation, but I don’t pick up on any of it. I can’t focus my energy on anything other than willing Taevin to make it out of surgery.
She’s got to be okay.
Raking my hands through my hair for the dozenth time, I perch my elbows on my knees and hang my head in my hands.
A large hand comes to rest on my shoulder, the warmth seeping through my shirt and quelling some of the anxiety churning in my stomach.
“I brought you some toiletries and a change of clothes,” Bennett says, setting a duffel bag down in front of me.
“Thanks,” I mutter, keeping my gaze fixed on the ground. If I look at my big brother right now, I know I’ll lose it.
And I can’t do that.
I need to be strong for her.
There was a time I wasn’t there for her—when I wasn’t her calm in the storm—but it’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens again.
I know I haven’t been the most devout Christian my entire life, but I have an insane urge to drop to my knees and beg God to keep her safe.
To let her stay to fight another day.
To let me keep her.
I’m willing to be selfish right now because I fucking need her, plain and simple. Without Taevin, well, I can’t even fathom it.
I’d be lost without her.
Looking up at the ceiling, I blink to keep the tears welling in my eyes from falling.
Bennett takes a seat beside me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, embracing me in a way that makes the dam of my emotions break. “Have faith she’s going to be okay, Jax. You’ve got to keep your head up—stay positive,” he encourages, but it’s not what I want to hear right now because he can’t promise that anymore than I can.
I shake my head, lowering my gaze on my hands. “Every setback she’s had, every hurdle she’s had to overcome has testedmy faith to the point of depletion. Hard to have faith when I’m not sure I’ve got any left.”
Scarlett walks over and takes the seat on my other side, grabbing one of my hands in hers. “Taevin has been nothing but valiant in this battle. Even if you’ve lost your faith in everything else, don’t lose it in her. She’s a fighter.” Scar squeezes my hand in hers. “And so are you.”
I lift my gaze to Scarlett and her eyes search mine. For what, I’m not sure. But as a sense of determination washes over me, she gives me a reassuring nod.
Bennett pulls me against him. “We’re here for you, Jackson. Here for Taevin. And we’re not going anywhere.”
Taking a deep breath, I let his words sink in, and as they do, my shoulders ease as some of the anxiety and fear bleed off me.
I’m not sure how long we sit like that, with my brother holding me steady as his wife tries to distract me by showing me pictures of my niece and nephew, but eventually I succumb to impatience.
Clenching my jaw, I grit out, “What the hell is taking so long?”
My heel anxiously taps on the cold hospital floor as I watch the hands on the clock move in what seems like slow motion. The doc estimated one to two hours for the procedure and in just two more ticks of the big hand on that damn clock, it will have been three. I run a hand through my hair and let out a long huff of air, casting my eyes to the ceiling.
The double doors that lead back to the OR swing open and I snap my gaze down at the sound to see Taevin’s surgeon emerging. My stomach churns and I fight back the nausea as he finishes toweling off his hands and speaks to a nurse in hushed tones. The second his eyes meet mine, my head drops into my hands.
