Standing up, I walk over to her and cup her face in my hands. “Will you please look at me, baby?”
She does as I ask, and when her tear-filled mahogany eyes meet mine, it’s like a shot to the chest.
“Why are you sad about this? Shouldn’t you be happy?”
Tae’s head shoots back as her brows knit in confusion. “You’re not angry?”
“I mean, I’m a bit hurt you felt like you couldn’t come to me with this. But I could never be angry with you for chasing your dreams. This is what you want, right? To write and record your own music?”
She blinks slowly as she stares into my eyes, almost as if she’s searching for the lie. “It is, but I never imagined it would happen like this and so soon.”
“You’re beyond talented, Tae. Any record label would be lucky as hell to sign you early. Anyone who’d pass you up is an idiot,” I assure her.
“Well, there’s also the fact that I won’t be going to Boston in a week. They want me in Nashville.”
“Oh, well—” I pause to scratch the back of my head. “Do you think you’ll have to miss the first week of classes or is it just for a few days during freshmen orientation and move-in week?”
Avoiding eye contact again, she stares into the corner where my guitar is splayed across my desk. “No, J. They want me to move there.”
I feel like I’ve been struck. Taking a step back, I ask, “What are you trying to say right now?”
Tae worries her quivering lips together before she whispers, “I’m saying that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I can’t possibly pass up, Jackson.”
Swallowing past the emotion clogging my throat, I choke out, “Okay. Okay, so we have to do the long distance thing earlier than we had planned. That’s okay. It’s not like we won’t see each other. You can come to visit me in season, and whenever I have a break, I’ll come see you in Nashville or back home.”
“You’d seriously consider trying to make long distance work your freshman year in college?” she asks in a skeptical tone that has me rearing back.
“If that’s what it takes to make your dreams come true, I’ll do it for you, Tae. Is it ideal that it’s happening right away before we’ve had a chance to experience any bit of college together? I mean, no. But you’re right, it’s not an opportunity you can pass up. And you seem to have made up your mind.”
Tae takes a deep breath. “You’re right. I have.” Wringing her hands together again before fisting them tightly, she finally looks up at me, and when her eyes connect with mine, my heart sinks.
No, don’t do this.I want to scream it, shout it until she decides against what she’s about to say.
Her voice trembles as she continues. “I’ve made up my mind that it’s going to be too hard, Jax. You and I both know this won’t work out the way we’re hoping. Instead of letting us burn out from the distance, I think we should make the conscious choice now to let things go. That way we can part ways as friends instead of winding up hating each other when the distance becomes too much. Before you resent me for not making it to one of your games because I’ve got to record or have a gig. Before I get my hopes up that you’ll be there for a milestone only for our schedules not to align.”
I grip my chest and rub my sternum as if that will stop the hurt consuming me right now. “How can you say that? We-we made vows.” She looks down again, breaking eye contact with me. “And you’re giving up without even trying. That’s not what I meant when Ivowedto love you through good times and bad, Taevin. Jesus, you won’t even look at me right now. Why are you really doing this?”
She shoots her gaze up and locks it on mine. “You want me to look at you while I break us? Fine. Take a step back from everything and take off your rose-colored glasses when it comes to me. I was never going to be your forever, Jackson.” She shrugs and lets out a halfhearted laugh. “I’m just me, and you’reyou. You’re a big, beautiful presence that I’d only be holding back. You’re going to be someone’s everything someday, and I’m going to be sorry for the rest of my life that it wasn’t me.”
I think I might actually be dying with how badly my chest hurts.
“Why don’t you just shoot me straight, Tae?” I grit out the question.
Her brows wrinkle in confusion. “I am.”
“No, you’re not. You’re acting like you’re making this decision on my behalf, but you’re not. This is all in your best interest. You’re looking over the fence and considering whether or not the grass is greener on the other side. You’re moving onto bigger, better things without me. Everything we’ve talked about, all of our hopes and dreams for the future. You’re going to do them, you’re just choosing to do them without me at your side.” Shaking my head, I let out my own despondent laugh.
“There’s really nothing I can do to change your mind? Nothing I can say to stop you from breaking us?” I question, still hopeful she’ll change her mind and come rushing back into my arms.
She shakes her head and clears her throat as tears steadily stream down her face. “No. But I think one day you’ll look back and realize that I did you a favor. It isn’t fair to hold you back from your dreams. Neither of us should have to sacrifice our future for the other,” she argues.
Taking a step back, I bring my hands up in exasperation. “See that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve never once asked you to sacrifice anything for me.Youapplied to Berklee before I ever mentioned Harvard.Youchose to hide signing an agent and a record deal from me. And it’syouwho’s choosing to give up—to break what we have—without even trying.”
Taevin hiccups a gasp, bracing her hands on her stomach.
Dropping my hands to my sides, I look into her eyes. “Oh, and there’s one more thing. You’re so wrong. Because I’m never getting over you, baby. There will never be another for me.”
Letting out a strangled sob, Tae takes off toward my bathroom before I hear her stomach wretching. Running in to join her, I gather her hair in my hand and rub soothing circles on her back as she continues to heave into the toilet.
