“You’re…my friend. Always have been,” he whispered back.
Everything he’d been denying was clear as if the fog had melted away, but sharing the full extent of hismadness would scare her off. It terrified him, but he couldn’t run away from it.
Lauren took a step toward him and eased her hand into his. Hers was so small clasped in his larger hand, and he squeezed just enough to let her know he was with her.
She looked at him with warm dark eyes as she whispered, “I know we’re friends. We were even when you used to deny it.” Her chin lowered, and she stared at their clasped hands. “But I’m notyoursyet.”
Yet. That one word gave him more hope than anything in his entire life. She’d been clear about her beliefs, but he couldn’t understand how they pertained to him. Not yet, at least.
“And I won’t be dating anymore,” she added.
The invisible band around his chest broke, and he could breathe again. Talking about feelings was new and uncomfortable, but he could do it as long as Lauren led him through it. As long as she kept seeing the things he couldn’t put into words, he could get better at doing the things he’d never done before, like care for someone.
He couldn’t bring a single word to his mind. What did he say to that? Thanks for not stomping on my heart anymore? Good grief, he was turning into the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes in the span of thirty seconds. It was all too much, and yet, not enough. He still wanted to wrap her up and never let go, but he also didn’t want to chase her away. He didn’t want to freak out whenthings got serious, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of being patient either. So he stood there, frozen. Waiting to see what would happen and too afraid to move.
Lauren squeezed his hand and smiled like they’d been talking about something normal, like the ten inches of snow they were expected to get tomorrow. “I’m really tired, but I’m not ready to sleep yet. Want to watch a movie with me?”
Zach blinked. Movie. Couch. Normal. “Um, I kinda made a mess in your kitchen.”
Lauren squinted through long, dark lashes. “Did you throw a tantrum while I was on a date?”
“Actually, I didn’t this time. I was removing the backsplash. I’m not sure which is going to be the death of me, you or those tiny tiles.”
She tugged him toward the couch. “Why don’t you find us a movie while I get out of these clothes? I need to treat the stains on these pants if I want them to have any chance of surviving.”
Zach sat on the couch, but every muscle in his body was stiff and ready to spring into action. “You almost gave me a heart attack when I saw you.”
Some of the light came back into Lauren’s eyes as she handed him the remote. “I’m fine. Like I said, it’s just a scratch. Only five stitches.”
Lauren disappeared into her bedroom, but Zach’s adrenaline was still pumping too hard to sit down. He decided to clean up the mess in the kitchen as best he could. Once he’d wiped every surface, he put away the tools. When there wasn’t anything left to do, heresumed his place on the couch and flipped through the channels. There wasn’t anything interesting on TV, but that was mostly because Lauren was the most interesting thing, and she was taking way too long to change into pajamas.
He’d just scrolled pastReba, a show they’d been watching in the evenings, when Lauren walked into the living room.
“Oh, can we watch that one?” she asked. “I could use a good laugh at Barbara Jean tonight.”
Zach turned on the show, and Lauren huddled into her usual corner on the couch. Her hair was still damp from a shower, and she’d twisted it into a loose braid that hung over her shoulder.
He turned his attention to the show. He couldn’t stare at her all night, or she’d get creeped out. He’d gotten a good enough look to notice she’d changed the dressing on her arm. No wonder it had taken her so long. The stubborn woman refused to ask for help.
When the half-hour show was over, Zach picked up the remote. “Do you want?—”
Zach stopped short when he glanced at Lauren. She had scooted down on the couch and was fast asleep with her head on the arm rest. Her eyes were closed softly in sleep, and her chest rose and fell in a small, even rhythm. The short sleeve of her pink sleep shirt brushed against the top of the bandage on her arm.
Every ounce of the anxiety he’d been carrying throughout the day and night evaporated. It was as ifhis body hadn’t allowed him to settle until he saw her at peace.
How did he get here? How had he gotten so deep into this game that he hadn’t seen her creeping into his heart until she had already made a home there?
Zach pulled a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over her. He stared at her, rubbing a hand over the five o’clock shadow on his jaw. The world around them could be burning, and he’d be wide awake, making sure she could sleep in peace.
29
Lauren
The throbbing in Lauren’s arm was relentless as she tried to cling to sleep. She stretched, and the dull pain flashed white-hot.
“Ahh.”
Zach was standing over her in an instant. “What’s wrong?”
