Lauren slid the makeup sponge over her cheeks, watching as the powder covered most of the redness. “I didn’t give him that impression this morning.”
“It’s not going to be easy, friend. It wasn’t easy with Gage by any means. There were times when I thought I’d ruined any chance between us. We hurt each other. We hurt other people. We had a lot to learn, and we still do.”
“But Gage is a completely new person. He’s in church, he has two jobs, and he absolutely loves you with all his heart.” Lauren lowered the makeup sponge and hung her head. She didn’t want to look at herself. Not like this. “What if there isn’t any hope for Zach?”
Hadley chuckled. “You’re not the type to give up. Did you pray about this before you called me?”
Lauren slowly lowered herself until she sat on the edge of the bathtub. Hadley’s blow hit harder than any she’d taken in her dreams. “I didn’t. I haven’t…I haven’t had the words in days. Weeks, maybe.”
“Oh, honey,” Hadley whispered, soothing and caring like she was consoling an abused puppy instead of a confused friend. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Lauren pushed a hand through her hair, but herfingers tangled in the knots from her fitful sleep. The pressure in her chest pushed against her rib cage, threatening to explode. “I’m a mess. I’m ashamed. I’m worried about too many things that I can’t control, and I’m losing my grip.”
Hadley let out a soft sigh. “That’s when you call me. If you can’t pray for yourself, I’ll pray for you. We don’t always have the words, but the Lord knows our hearts. All we have to do is kneel at His feet and give Him our troubles. We can’t control everything, but He’s the Almighty who loves you at your darkest the same as He loves you when you’re on top of the mountain.”
The muscles in Lauren’s neck tightened. She knew all of those things, but she needed to hear them again. Other people struggled. Lauren had always prided herself on managing multiple things well. Maybe she needed to be knocked off her pedestal to know exactly how little she could actually control.
“I know that,” Lauren whispered.
“But you’re trying to save the world. You’re the most selfless woman I know, but you’ve got to stop thinking the things you’re managing will crumble without you. I’m not saying the work you do isn’t important. I know that it is. I’m just saying it’s okay to ask for help, especially if you’re asking the Lord to walk beside you.”
Lauren leaned over, propping her elbows on her knees. “What if I’m not doing what I’m meant to do? How do I know if I’m doing the right work? I don’tmean to dump all of my problems on you this morning, but I’ve struggled with this.”
Hadley chuckled. “Obviously. You have three graduate degrees, you work multiple jobs, and you volunteer inallof your remaining time. Maybe God wants you to slow down, so you can hear Him and His plan for you.”
The silence on both ends of the call said Hadley was right. Lauren had been living with the noise for so long, but the constant push and pull inside her head wasn’t from the Lord. It was all the earthly things she’d deemed important vying for her attention.
“You’re right. I need to back off,” Lauren said.
“Can we have a girls’ night? Do you want to go to Barn Sour and dance the night away?”
Lauren lifted her head and pushed her shoulders back. “That sounds great. Let’s plan that for Friday. Today, I need to have a meeting with my boss.”
20
Zach
Zach kept his focus locked on the truck as he strode through the darkness. Even working extra hours hadn’t settled his boiling blood. Lauren’s venomous words from days ago and the look on her face had been etched into his mind.
He was stupid to think staying away from her would solve his problems. The woman was a thorn in his side, and no matter how hard he dug at the wound, the sharp point tore at his skin.
He’d heard worse. People had been calling him the worst of the world since he was born, but hearing it from her hit like a wrecking ball.
She’d texted him her apologies. Multiple times. But an apology text couldn’t wipe away what he knew to be true.
“Zach!”
He’d almost made it out. Almost. He’d gone a whole day without having to speak more than ahandful of words, and now Travis wanted to chat.
Zach turned just as he reached the borrowed truck. “What?”
Travis jogged over, stopping a few feet away. They’d found an acceptable tolerance of each other over the last few weeks. The key was that they didn’t talk about anything except work. Silent was the way Zach liked things. Why did Travis have to ruin it?
Travis slipped off his cowboy hat and brushed a hand through his unkempt hair. “Are you okay?”
What kind of question was that? “Yeah.”
“I don’t know. You tossed those hay bales like they’d insulted your sister or something.”
