"One moment," he murmurs, tucking a lock of purple hair behind my ear. "I won't ask for a kiss this time, baby. But I will ask for a second date. If you need Jamie there, I'm happy to have him too. We may need to bring Ellis along as well if it will be a group deal, but I'll do anything to see you again in a date setting."
The complete respect he has for my connection with Jamie baffles me and makes my heart feel close to bursting at the same time. How can this man be so selfless?
"I'd like that," I whisper, raising up onto my toes to kiss his jaw. It's padded by a beard, and the hair tickles enough to make me smile. His hair is in a bun at the base of his skull, and he's wearing his clunky workboots. His jeans and tight black shirt beneath his jacket were appreciated for as long as I could focus on him.
Nate deserves a kick ass date, and I will deliver once my brain sorts through the mess life has created for me. As I follow Nate through Jamie's apartment door, I can't help but think about how Nate doesn't feel so scrambled in my mind anymore.
I definitely still have feelings for him, and somehow I feel like they could grow to be even stronger than before. Staring at him as he helps me take my shoes and coat off, I'm ready to give him an actual kiss when Ellis interrupts my thoughts.
"Thank fuck." Ellis sighs, face red and body fidgety as he rushes toward us. "Can you take me home now?"
Frowning at him, I wait for Nate to say something, but Nate just looks his partner up and down and smirks. So I say the first thing that comes to my mind. "Did you terrorize your babysitter or something?"
"Yes," Ellis groans and tugs on his hair.
Nate bites his bottom lip and glances down at Ellis' waist. I follow his line of sight and suck in a gasp when I realize Ellis is sporting a boner. I'm still staring at it when Nate must see Jamie because they start a conversation as if this is all normal.
"Did he deserve it?" Nate asks.
Jamie chuckles darkly. "Oh yeah. Fucker earned it as soon as he opened his damn mouth."
Earned what?Nausea swims at the base of my throat, and I suddenly feel like Nate is the only safe place right now.
Nate has questions, but I'm confused as to why hesounds amused and a little turned on. "How long has he been like this?"
"An hour and a half," Jamie replies as Ellis mutters something about a million years.
Nate nods but doesn't seem to notice me inching behind him. Something clearly went on here. Something sexual and intimate. Between Jamie and Ellis. Nate's acting like it's okay, and I feel like I might be sick. Tears are already burning the backs of my eyes.
I'm so fucking sick of crying.
"Alright. I usually max his edging at three hours."
I feel faint at Nate's words, so I quickly grab the back of his shirt.Edging.
While I was thinking about Jamie so much that I ruined my date with Nate, Jamie was edging Ellis.
Wait, every part of that statement is so fucked up.
What am I doing? What is going on here?
My brain conjures up every icky message it can spare to tell me I'm not wanted. I need my journal. I should organize these feelings, these thoughts.
"Baby, look at me."
It's those words that force me to blink. Realizing Nate is crouched in front of me while I'm sitting in the entryway, I suck in a shaky breath.
"Hi," Nate says, smiling. "You zoned out for a minute there, so I had you sit. Are you okay?"
Baffled, I answer him. "Me? Am I okay? Areyou? Ellis and Jamie screwed around while you were gone."
Am I in some kind of alien world where this was just a normal day? Because let me tell you, this has been the most screwed up month of my life. I miss the void Ilived in for so long. The one that kept my anxiety at bay and my life a stagnant pile of nothing.
"Violet," Nate coos, ready to school me on the ways of polyamory, I bet. News flash, my mom has four dicks, and two of them dick each other down too. "I took you on a date this morning."
Scoffing because I knew he would resort to mansplaining, I stand and walk to the kitchen. I don't look at the three of them as I grab a glass and fill it with water.
Jamie tries to get my attention. "V, my love." His approach annoys me a little too.
