After years of falling in love with this woman, I'd like to think I've learned enough about her that I can answer her tearful question. "Someone who loves with their entire being would sacrifice their own happiness to keep the ones they care about safe. You've been in self-preservation mode for so long, Violet. That extended to your circle of loved ones because you careso fucking much."
"I just don't want to get anyone else hurt, but it seems like all I've done is hurt everyone with those choices too! B-But everyone’s better off without me."
"Well," I huff and squeeze her tighter, "that is the biggest lie I've ever fucking heard."
She sucks in a breath and seems to look past myeyes and into my soul. She needs to see that I'm telling the truth.
"You've been living under the assumption everyone is better off without you, but I'm fuckingmiserableevery time you're on a trip. Hell, you leave my apartment and Iache, Violet."
Her mouth pops open in surprise. She'll have to get used to it though because I'm done holding back. Violet's trying to change, so it's time I start encouraging her growth.
Violet frowns and tries to push away, but I don't allow any movement. "You're staying right here, Sweets. Get used to it."
Her brows furrow even further, then she bites her plump lip. "But what about Ellis and Nate? They said?—"
My throat rumbles in response to the reminder ofwhat they fucking said."What about them, V? They treated you like shit, so they are nothing."
"Ellis said they're pursuing you."
I shake my head. "Fuck that. Fuck them."
"Did you? Fuck them, I mean," she asks softly.Is she afraid of my answer? Will she leave?
A ball of stress forms in my throat as I come face to face with the reason for most of my fucking guilt. "No, we didn't fuck. Ellis and Nate approached me at the bar the night we fought. They offered to fool around and hang out."
Eyes wide, Violet hangs on to every word I'm forcing out of my mouth. She prompts me to continue with a strange tone. "And then?"
Blowing out a breath, I lay it all out there. "Ellis gave me a blowjob under the table while Nate watched." Violet gasps, and my gut coils tight with dread, but I have to keep going. "I went to dinner with them tonight."
"Like a date?" She again tries to sit up, looking pale and horrified, but I hold her tight. If she asks me to let her go, I will, but not yet. Not until I'm done explaining.
"I-I'm not sure. Nothing else happened because I got the call that Bash was outside my door with my unconscious woman."
At that, she looks away from me. I give her a second, then pull her face back to mine because what I'm about to say is really fucking important for her to hear.
"Listen, Violet. I didn't know about your connection to them, I swear. It's fucked that the one time I mess around with someone else inyearsthat it was your past loves."
Her bottom lip wobbles, and I swear I break out in a cold sweat.Have I broken her heart? Ruined everything? She was coming to me tonight to talk and figure things out...Have I destroyed our chances?
What she says surprises me, though. "Do you like them?"
"I—"What?"No."
"You hesitated."
I feel my face twist into a scowl. "Had you asked me this before Ellis treated you like a fucking prick, my answer may have been different."
"So you're conflicted because of me. Without my connection to them and their negative feelings aboutme, you like them? Saw something with them?" I open my mouth immediately, but she begs me not to lie.
Fuck.NowIwant to push her away so I can pace and work off these feelings building inside of me. "Yes," I grit out, studying her facial expressions like a hawk.
"And me?" Violet whispers, sounding sad and hesitant, but she needn't feel that way.
"You? Violet, you'reeverything. There is nothing with them withoutyou. Package deal, remember?"
Everything I'm saying is the complete and honest fucking truth. I don't know if Violet can believe me, but she knows I care about her. I've never hidden my feelings and always pushed her for more.She knows. And if she second-guesses me, I'll prove my love again and again until the day I die.
"Jamie..." Violet chews on her lip.
