I’d loveto spend some time with you by the sea this weekend.Bring your sisters too so we can be alone.
Not the bestchoice of words, maybe.But I hope she’ll understand what I mean, and it’ll get the job done.
But once I’m done, once the piece of paper with the glittering blue letters is on the pillow beside her, I still can’t leave.The urge to climb back into bed, back into her arms, is so strong I can barely resist doing it.And it’s too strong to allow me to leave.
They’re a weird thing… feelings… I don’t even know when I caught them for her.And I don’t actually know when I lost them for everyone else in the first place.But they’re back now.And they’re showing me Goldie’s pristine white sheets covered in blood, the walls sprayed with it, my hands covered in it.
The vision is vivid enough to propel me from her room.And terrible enough to allow me to let go of any ideas that don’t end with Goldie’s life destroyed.
There’s no turning back for me.Because there’s nothing to go back to.
The innocent girl I left sleeping, the one I caught feelings for, will never be mine.And there’s no way around that.
Chapter41
GIANNA
I wokeup feeling like I’d slept on clouds, caressed by the soft, warm first rays of the sun.And my disappointment when I woke up alone was very short lived.The note he left me glittered in the morning sun, looking exactly like the sea he was inviting me to meet him by does.
My whole body was still sparkling from the orgasm he gave me last night, or maybe even more so from sleeping in his arms.I just wish he’d woken me up with a kiss before he left.
But I’m going to get that kiss tonight.And this time I won’t chicken out.I’ll go all the way.So we can share the pleasure he gave me.And because I was a fool for not letting him make love to me last night the way we both wanted him to.
My sisters didn’t take much convincing when I suggested we spend the weekend at the beach house.But Mom wanted to come along too, and Dad said he’ll join us for church and lunch on Sunday.
I wanted to, but couldn’t actually protest against any of that, so I didn’t.But the house and garden by the sea are huge.Matteo and I will have no problem finding a quiet spot for ourselves.Maybe even on the beach, by moonlight and under all the stars that cover the sky there.Yes, I’d love for my first time to be under the starry sky, listening to the waves lick the shore, as the pleasure I’m sure he’ll give me crashes against me.
I’d packed so much even my mom, a notorious over-packer, rolled her eyes at me.But I just don’t know what I’ll be in the mood to wear… although I do.The new gold dress.I’m sure he’ll love taking it off my body.
But Matteo wasn’t in the car with us.Nor in any of the cars filled with guards that followed us to Long Island.
I’m sitting with my mom and my sisters on the main porch overlooking the ocean now, sipping lemonade that’s too sweet and watching the sun set.Everything is awash in a perfect gold color that shines even better than the real thing.
The sun is perfect, the air is perfect, the sea is perfect, everything is perfect.But Matteo isn’t here.
And with every hour that passes and he doesn’t appear, I’m getting more and more agitated.
Why invite me here if he’s not coming?
Was it all some sort of a joke?
Did I really mess up so badly not letting him make love to me last night?
Did he lose interest?
“Why are you so fidgety?”Chiara asks after I get up for at least the twentieth time to go stand at the railing and gaze over the grounds.Lidia kicks her and now my mom is looking at me like something is wrong too.Great.Just what I needed.To be outed for something that hasn’t even happened yet.
“I’m not.”But I’m sure anyone with eyes knows I’m lying.“I’m going for a walk.”
The grounds and beach around this house are huge and we can wander it without any of our guards breathing down our necks.
“Great idea,” Mom says and stands up.“Let’s all go.”
Perfect.Not.
But I can’t very well say I’d rather be alone.Mom seems so excited to be here, my sisters are not constantly bickering either and I wish I could suck up some of that positive energy from them.But I feel just as trapped as I did when we were here last, to celebrate my birthday.Maybe even more so, because I’d had such high hopes, such big dreams for this weekend.
A moonlit stroll with Matteo, right down to the natural alcove on the beach, formed by the rocks where we could be completely alone as I gave myself to him.And him to me.
