It only lasts a split second and then she’s in my arms, coughing out ocean water and looking at me with those huge, innocent eyes of hers.
Talk about the kiss of life.
But I know what this is.This is ruin rejoicing because it has me right where it wants me.On a path that’ll make me claim Goldie, take what isn’t mine, and get me killed.
I release her, let her sisters and the other guys finish taking care of her.But I feel her big, bright eyes on me even after I turn my back.And I already know I’ll still feel her gaze even after she’s gone from my sight for good.
And that’s a very bad thing.Because it means ruin is winning and I’m losing.Again.
Chapter19
GIANNA
I remember verylittle of the rest of yesterday.But I remember the kiss that brought me back to life.It was like Matteo had reached his hand down into the darkness I was sinking into and pulled me back out into the sunshine.Back into life.
They took me to the hospital and it was dark outside by the time we got home.I slept and dreamt of the near drowning.But it wasn’t a nightmare… because of that kiss.I relived everything in the dream and it was better than in real life.
I want to see him again.I want to thank him.And I want him to kiss me again.
But he hasn’t been in to work yet.
“How can you be so calm and smiling?”Chiara asks, looking at me with eyes open wide in shock.“You almost died.”
I’ve just been sitting on the sofa, sipping chamomile tea which my mom keeps bringing me and remembering that kiss.It was just like the sparkling sunlight outside.Only better.Because I felt it too.I wasn’t just looking at it.
“Maybe it’s exactly because of that,” I say.“I almost died and now I love being alive so much more than before.”
That’s not the whole truth.The kiss is the whole truth.But I haven’t told them about how Matteo makes me feel yet.Every time I try, I just can’t find the words.There’s so little to tell and yet so much.
“I understand completely,” Lidia says.“It’s just like in this book I’m reading… “
Chiara sighs loudly and rolls her eyes.“Real life is completely different than a book.”
But I tell Lidia I want to hear all about it and she tells me the entire summary of the book.It’s a sad one, about two very ill people falling in love.She hopes they’ll both live.I doubt it.
“How can you stand sad books like that?”Chiara asks once Lidia is done talking.“Isn’t romance supposed to be fun?”
“What’s better than two people who have nothing to live for finding love?”Lidia asks.“I can’t think of a thing.”
“Oh, I can think of plenty,” Chiara says.“For example, two people who can enjoy that love finding love.Or…”
I stop listening, leave them to their bickering and return to the kiss.That’s what we are, Matteo and I.Two people who have nothing good to live for.He has his dark past that he left behind when he came here, and I have a dark future of being stuck in my high tower alone for the rest of my life.But he’s come to rescue me.And together we’ll rescue each other.Just like in one of Lidia’s books.
And this kind of thinking is exactly the reason why I can’t tell my sisters about him.Chiara will mock me like she mocks Lidia, while Lidia would likely understand, but only as far as words go.Neither of them knows what love feels like.I don’t know either.Or didn’t.Until now.I think.
So I’d like to sit with it alone for a little longer.Keep it a secret.Hope it grows and blossoms.
As has been happening all morning, I get the urge to check if he’s arrived, is out there in the hall guarding my door.I’ve given in to the urge to check each and every time I’ve felt it.And been disappointed each and every time.But this time it’s different.I can literally feel him out there.The world is warmer like a ball of light, the sun itself has found its way into the cold, marble hallways of this building.So I don’t think, I just go check.There’s no room to think in my mind anyway, because the urge to go to him is all there is.
Chiara calls after me as I get off the sofa and go to the foyer, but I ignore her.And I don’t even check through the peephole, I just step out into the hall.And come face to face with Matteo.The sun’s heat has nothing on the radiance he gives off.Absolutely nothing.
“Good morning,” I stammer, surprised my voice hasn’t been burned away by his heat.
“‘Morning,” he replies gruffly, his eyes, his whole face obscured by that dark shadow that’s all his own.How can such sun shine from a man so lost in shadows?
“I just wanted to thank you properly for saving me yesterday,” I say, my voice shaky, but at least it’s audible.
“That’s the second time I saved you, Goldie,” he says.“You’re running up quite a tab.”
