“You have a story,” I blurt out.
“Not something you wanna know anything about.”
He’s right about that.I’m already getting the chills from this story, and I have no idea what it’s actually about.
I look to the side, at the trees and people walking by, try to think of something to say that won’t make the darkness between us blacker.I imagine all those people I see have no problems, at least none as dire as mine.Or as his, it would seem.
“Why’d you leave LA?”I ask.
“That’s none of your business,” he says.
I glance at him, then focus back on the world passing us by, slowly, like all my days pass me by.He’s the first bit of excitement that’s come into my life all year.And he’s more exciting that anything that’s happened to me in all the years before that.
“Really sucks that you have to work for me when you so clearly hate me,” I say, with no idea what made me say it.
The driver twitches slightly.He’s clearly been listening to our whole conversation.But I don’t care about that.Basically, I only care about what Matteo will say next.And that’s really desperate and sad and just downright undignified.
“Working for your family wasn’t my first choice, no,” he says.And there’s such a rush of something unable to break free behind his calm words, I feel like a lash of fire just licked me.An angry, rageful fire.That’s what he keeps locked up inside.
“You didn’t get a choice?”I ask.His hostility is starting to make more sense now.“I can talk to my dad…”
He looks at me, once again lashing me with that barely contained rage.
“I think you’ve done me enough favors for now, Princess,” he says, the wordsfavorsandPrincessrolling out of his mouth like they’ve made him physically sick.I like the other nickname—Goldie—much better.
And I know something else now too.He doesn’t want anything to do with me.He doesn’t want me like I want him.He doesn’t want to know me at all.
This isn’t a fairytale ride in a romantic movie.This isn’t two fated souls getting to know each other.It’s a ride I forced him on, because I’m delusional.And I want it to end.
So I end it, paying the driver and hopping off the carriage as soon as it stops, then rushing back towards my home as fast as my platform heels will let me.
“Slow down,” he says at one point as I stumble.“You’ll break your leg.”
“Like you’d care,” I mutter back and keep walking even faster.
“Maybe I would.You don’t know anything about me.”
I try to stop, turn, and glare at him at the same time, and it goes badly.I’d have fallen right off the sidewalk and into the path of a yellow cab if he hadn’t caught me.And the feel of his arms around me is even more destabilizing that the adrenaline rushing through me at the near miss death experience.It’s like a force all its own.Like wind.Like rushing water.Like pouring rain.
“I told you to be careful,” he says, holding me just a little longer to make sure I’m steady again.
On my feet maybe I am.But not in my mind.A moment ago, I was sure I was done with him.Now I don’t know anything anymore.Except that I only just barely managed not to say, “Yes, sir” to him.Which would be crazy.But I’m thinking that if I just do as he says and follow his lead, everything will be perfect.More perfect than it’s ever been.
“You all right?”he asks, his eyes not so dark anymore.
“Not really,” I answer truthfully.“But I will be.”
Then I turn and continue walking.Because I’m not figuring any of this out while gazing into his sun fire eyes.Or standing so close his scent fills more than just my nose.Or anywhere where his arms are so close yet so far from holding me as they are when he’s near.
I might be losing my mind.
But I want him like I’ve never wanted a man before.And I don’t trust myself not to take what I want.
Chapter16
MATTEO
I haven’t been sleeping.I haven’t been eating.I haven’t been able to keep my heart from hammering in my chest, going much faster than it should.Standing around in the cold, marble-lined hallway isn’t helping any of that.By now, I know every shape in the stones.It mostly shows me faces—of those long dead, of those only recently dead.Both intolerable.
