But I can’t start thinking that way, because that way lies the ruin my family is so famous for.Although I might already be on the path ruin has chosen for me right now too…
“I don’t understand any of this,” he finally says.“How did you save his daughter?What kind of job is he giving you?What does all this even mean?”
I throw down the second espresso and am finally starting to feel like the world has stopped spinning so very fast.
“I wish I had all those answers for you, but I don’t.Maybe I’ll have them tonight,” I say.“Right now, I need a shower and some fresh clothes from your closet.”
“Sure, take what you need,” he says and stands aside so I can pass him.
His room is dark and also reeks of alcohol, digested and spilt.The two women are on his huge king-sized bed, tangled up in the sheets, one of them snoring.The windows are covered by floor-length blackout curtains, but they don’t block out all the light.I can see a long leg sticking out from the sheets, a breast, an arm, a mop of blonde hair.Doesn’t look like humans, but rather like some grotesque modern art sculpture, or something that might be left behind in the rubble after a building collapses.
Because that’s how I feel.I feel like everything is collapsing around me and I should know, I’ve been through this kind of collapse before.I never wanted to experience it again.Coming here, I thought I was starting at the bottom, but I think I might’ve just broken through the rock and fallen deeper still.Leave it to me and my family name to find the hidden depths even beyond rock bottom.
I’m under no illusion that what the Capo wants is good for me.It’s slavery he’s signed me up for and now that he has, I won’t be going anywhere until he says I can.One day in New York and I’ve already lost the only thing I had—my freedom.
And all because of a beautiful, spoiled mafia princess who doesn’t know what danger looks like.Much less how to escape it.Damn her golden dress and golden hair.And damn my weakness for saving beautiful women.
Chapter9
GIANNA
I managedto fall asleep despite my head spinning and my heart twisting and withering away like dying flowers.But I didn’t sleep long.What woke me was my mother, reprimanding Chiara about us sneaking out last night.Chiara argued back like she always does, but I pretended to still be asleep when Mom stuck her head into my bedroom.Luckily, she decided not to wake me, because I don’t know if I could face her lecture on top of knowing I killed yet another man last night.Just because he got close to me.
Not to mention the Russian.He’s probably dead too.He wasn’t exactly hot, but he was interesting in that European way.Rough around the edges, uncouth.That’s why I went out there with him.Maybe.I don’t know.Maybe I just wanted that thing only a man can give me, and he seemed like the type who is used to giving it… or maybe it was all because I was drugged.I’m sober now and I know I’d never go out there with him if he asked me.But last night, it seemed like the best idea I ever had.
Chiara is shouting again, this time at Lidia.I get out of bed, don’t bother putting anything over the oversized T-shirt from high school I slept in.The name of the school—Holy Trinity Academy—written across the chest, is fading badly.Just like my memories of it.At least I had some freedom while I still went to school there, now I’m just stuck at home all the time.
I find my sisters in the living room.Chiara’s cheeks are the color of ripe apples, as are Lidia’s.They look so much alike people have a hard time telling them apart.But to me, and everyone else in the family, they’re totally different people.Like right now, Chiara’s cheeks are flushed because she’s angry, and Lidia’s are the same because she’s nervous at being yelled at and would much rather be sitting somewhere quietly, reading a book or staring into space, daydreaming.Chiara is laying into her heavily, blaming her for not covering for us better last night.Lidia has apologized at least three times that I heard, and probably a bunch before I came in.
“Stop shouting at her, Chiara,” I say as I walk into the living room, the sunlight bright and glaring, reminding me of just how hungover I actually am.It’s definitely worse than usual.“What happened?How did they know?”
Lidia gives me a very grateful look, the kind she always gives me when I save her from her twin’s wrath—which is something that I have needed to do weekly for years now.Chiara has a temper that’s only getting worse with the years.
Lidia shrugs, holding her hands palms upwards.“I have no idea.Rafaelle just knew you were gone.He came in here just after midnight, I was still reading… the book was just getting to the good part…” she blushes even harder as she looks down at her hands.
Chiara scoffs, but I shake my head at her sharply and stand between them for good measure.
“Anyway, he checked your bedrooms and saw you were gone,” Lidia continues.“I didn’t tell him where you were.And he believed me that I didn’t even know you were gone…”
“What good does that do us?”Chiara snaps.“But as long as he believed our little goodie-two-shoes, can-do-no-wrong little sister, then everything is just perfect.”
Chiara is only about two minutes older than Lidia, but she still childishly brings it up whenever she can.
“Well, next time don’t go out,” Lidia snaps.“Then everything really will be perfectly fine.”
Chiara shouts in exasperation, it’s a hoarse and animalistic sound.“I can’t stand being locked up here.I can’t stand being watched all the time.How can you?”
She’s asked that question so many times that I’m sure she doesn’t actually want an answer.Or will accept any I have to give her.
“We came really close to being hurt last night,” I say anyway.“We should’ve stayed in.The protection is for our own good.”
“You did,” Chaira snaps at me.“You almost got hurt.I was just trying to save you.”
Her eyes glaze over, as though she’s only just realizing how what she said sounded.
“I’m sorry… I mean… obviously I’d lay my life down for you anytime,” she backtracks.“And you were probably drugged… Anyway, I’m glad you’re OK, all right?”
I nod, glad that she’s deflated a little.Because sometimes her tantrums can go on for hours and a pounding headache is starting at the back of my skull.I’m sure that in a little while the pounding will fill my whole head and on top of thinking of that poor guy who lost his life just because he helped us… I can’t bear it.I won’t be able to bear it.Good thing the bottle of vodka under my bed is almost full.It might not help the headache, but the rest…
