Alex standsshirtless at the stove, stirring something that smells incredible. I slip up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I rest my cheek against his bare back.
He hums, reaches down to brush his fingers over mine. “You’re clingy today.”
“You love it.”
“I do.”
I grin, pressing a kiss to his spine.
There’s a pause, a shift in the air as Alex sets the spoon down and turns in my arms to face me. He holds my face in both of his big hands as his thumbs brush over my cheekbones. His expression is stripped of all the cocky grins and teasing remarks. It’s just him at this moment, wide open, no walls, no armor.
“I love you, Em.”
He’s said it to me many times now, but this time there is something raw in his voice.
“I’ve loved you in every way a person can love another,” he continues. “I loved you when we were kids and you were this stubborn, wild thing who never let me win at anything. I loved you when you hated me, rolling your eyes at me constantly and calling me insufferable. When you used to storm out of rooms because I pushed you too hard or got too close.”
His hands slide down to my shoulder, gripping me like he needs me to hear and understand what he has to say.
“I loved you from a distance when you left Windhaven. When I had to watch your life through pictures and headlines and secondhand stories because I didn’t have the privilege of being in it anymore. I told myself I was fine with that, but Iwasn’t. I missed you every damn day. And when you came back and stood in front of me, just as stubborn and impossible as ever, I knew I was fucked. Because all that love? It never went anywhere. It was always here, waiting for you to find your way back.”
His eyes scan mine, searching my eyes for something I’m not sure I can place.
“And then you got sick. And I–I have never been more terrified in my entire life.” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “I thought I was going to lose you before I ever really got to have you. And that nearly destroyed me. I spent every second in the hospital praying, to the universe or whatever God is out there, that if someone had to take your place, it would be me. That if there was a choice between your heart stopping and mine, the universe would take mine every single time.”
Tears sting in my eyes, and I shake my head. Alex keeps going, keeps giving me all of him, every exposed and vulnerable piece of him he’s never given me before.
“I love you, Emiliana,” he says, unshakable, like a confession. “I love you in ways that don’t make sense, in ways I don’t have words for. I love you in every breath, in every stupid little argument, in every second of every day. And I don’t want to waste another moment pretending I could ever survive without you. I can’t.”
His forehead drops to mine in defeat.
“I don’t want a single day where I don’t wake up next to you. Where I don’t hear your smart-ass comments or kiss you goodnight. I don’t want a version of my life that doesn’t have you at the center of it.”
I let out a shaky breath as both hands grip his wrists for stability.
“Let’s move in together. Officially.” He murmurs. “Let’s stop pretending there’s any world or a life where we don’t end up together.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and he catches it with his thumb, brushing it away like he’d erase every bit of pain I’ve ever felt if he could.
“Say yes,” he whispers, his lips brushing mine, “because I swear to God, Emma, there is no universe, no lifetime, no possible reality where I don’t love you or where I don’t spend every second fighting for you.”
I let out a shaky laugh, pressing my forehead harder against his. “Okay.”
His breath stutters. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I whisper, smiling against his lips. “How could I ever say no to that?”
I’m not as good with my words and talking about my feelings as Alex is. I learned to live with everything bottled up inside and I am still not in a place where I can express myself as easily and freely as him, but Alex has always accepted me exactly the way I am. I know that he knows I feel the same way about him and that me agreeing to move in together is the same as a declaration ofmylove for him.
So when he kisses me, like he’s pouring all of his love into it, I kiss him back, pouring all of mine into him, knowing there was never any other answer.
44
ALEX
I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who willingly goes to therapy. Hell, if you told me a few months ago that I’d be sitting on some overpriced leather couch talking about my feelings with a complete stranger, I would’ve laughed in your face. But here I am, several weeks in, now with less nightmares and less waking up in a cold sweat with my heart trying to claw its way out of my chest. Turns out, Emma was right, therapy does help.
I also realize I probably should’ve been in it my whole damn life.
