Alex looks peaceful like this. His sharp edges softened by sleep, hair tousled against the pillow, lips slightly parted. I let my gaze trace the slope of his nose, the cut of his jaw, the faint crease between his brows like he's dreaming about something serious. I want to memorize every detail of him, just in case. Because I know myself and I know how good I am at ruining things, and right now, I am absolutely terrified.
I’m falling for him again. Hard. And not just because of the sex. It’s deeper than that. It’s how he makes me laugh when I don’t want to, how he looks at me like I’m the only person in the world, how he’s been here,reallyhere, when I needed someone the most, even if I was too blind to see it.
But it’s Alex. And it’s me. And I don’t know how to let myself have this without also being afraid of losing it.
I slip out of bed carefully, not wanting to wake him. The cold air nips at my skin, so I grab the first thing I see, his shirt fromlast night, draping it over my body as I pad out of the room, making my way to the kitchen.
The moment I set my phone on the counter, it starts buzzing. A series of unread texts from Cam stare back at me:
Cam
Are you okay?
Call me when you wake up.
Emma, seriously. Answer me.
If you don’t text me back in five minutes, I’m coming over.
Shit.
I can’t have him showing up right now, not when Alex is still here, naked in my bed. The last thing I need is my overprotective brother walking in and putting two and two together that his little sister has been fucking his best friend. He will find out eventually, but today cannot be the day.
I quickly type out a response.
I’m fine. Just woke up. You don’t need to come.
I hit send and exhale, running a hand through my tangled hair before turning my attention to the coffee maker. After turning it on, the rich scent fills the kitchen. I lean against the counter, trying to shake the uneasy feeling curling in my stomach.
I hear footsteps behind me right before strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back against a warm, solid chest. Alex buries his face against my neck, his mustache and scruff scraping against my skin as he hums in contentment.
“Morning,” he murmurs, voice thick with sleep.
“Morning,” I reply.
I pour us both cups of coffee and hand him his. He grabs it with a small smile, pressing a lazy kiss to my shoulder before taking a sip. “Cam just texted me. Said if I didn’t respond, he was coming over.”
Alex raises a brow. “Would’ve loved to see his face if he walked in on us.”
I smack his arm lightly, rolling my eyes. “Not funny. I don’t need him knowing you spent the night.”
He smirks over the rim of his cup. “What, you don’t want your brother to know about all the orgasms I gave you last night?”
I glare at him, but I can’t stop the smile tugging at my lips. He sees it and I can tell he’s satisfied, pressing a quick kiss to my temple before leaning back against the counter beside me. The moment of ease should feel normal, but the gnawing feeling in my gut only gets stronger.
I have to tell him. I don’t want to, but if we’re going to keep doing this, whateverthisis, I can’t avoid it. I can’t let him fall any deeper without knowing the truth. But the thought of telling him makes me feel physically sick.
I don’t want him to stay with me out of pity because he feels like he has to now that I am actively dying.
I take a deep breath, setting my cup down. “Alex… there’s something I need to tell you.”
His easy expression fades the moment he sees my face. He sets his cup down and stands up straighter, bracing himself for impact. “What is it?”
I swallow hard. “I should’ve told you sooner, but… they put me on the transplant list.”
His entire body goes still, brows drawing together as he processes my words. “What?”
“I know,” I cut quickly, holding up a hand. “I should’ve told you yesterday. I–I don’t want you to look at me differently or to stay because you feel like you have to.”
