Tate walked over to the fridge, opened a can, and poured it into a glass. He handed it to me, and when I sipped, I tasted lime.
“Thank you,” I said, fighting the urge to burp after drinking the carbonated beverage too fast.
“Nicholas, what do you want to do after you eat?” Tate asked. “Play on the swings?”
My boy’s face turned red. He was back to acting shy again for some reason.
I smiled at Nicholas. “I know one thing he’dloveto do.”
“What’s that?” Tate turned to me, his eyes eager.
“I see you have a big truck out there. One of his favorite things is to sit in the driver’s seat and pretend to drive. He does it with my dad’s truck all the time.”
Tate grinned as he turned to Nicholas. “I used to love that, too, when I was your age. Someday I can teach you how to really drive one.”
Nicholas smiled. That last part was profound.Tate plans to be here for all of Nicholas’s milestones.
I wished I could tell Nicholas right now that Tate was his dad. But that would have to wait. The shift from thinking my son would never know his father to knowing he’d always have him around made my heart full, despite what we’d have to endure for Tate to love him openly.
After Nicholas finished his snacks, we went out front where Tate had his gray truck in the driveway. It was a dark, smoky color that suited him well. He let Nicholas sit in the driver’s seat and play with the steering wheel and all of the buttons. Nicholas even hit the horn a few too many times, and one of the neighbors walked out to make sureeverything was okay. The man’s rigid expression softened when he got a look at Nicholas bopping around in the seat. The guy waved and promptly went back inside.
After Nicholas had his fill of the truck, we went around to the backyard. Tate pushed him on the swings until Nicholas tired of it. He eventually wandered off to play in the sandbox while Tate and I stood on the grass a few feet away.
“Was the sandbox here, too?” I asked.
“No.” Tate shook his head. “I bought the stuff to build it and came out earlier this week to set it up.”
“That was really thoughtful of you.”
He shrugged. “It’s the least I can do. I have a lot of catching up.”
“You shouldn’t look at it that way, Tate. It wasn’t your choice not to be there for him. You can just start from today, without feeling like you need to work ten times harder to make up for something you didn’t know you were missing.”
“Thank you for saying that. It’s clear that despite my absence all these years, Nicholas doesn’t want for anything. He’s happy, healthy, and balanced. That’s all because of you, mama. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I didn’t need his approval, but his words warmed my soul. In his absence, I’d often wondered whether Tate would be proud of the job I was doing raising his son.
He looked over at Nicholas playing. “I failed so badly with Taylor. I can’t let anything like that happen with Nicholas.”
“It won’t. You’ve grown a lot since then, and things are so much better with you and Taylor.”
Tate took a deep breath. “We need to work out how I can help you financially. I’d like to set up a system where I put a certain amount of my salary into an account for Nicholas each week.”
I stiffened. “I don’t need your money.”Why does that idea make me so uncomfortable?
“But Iwantto help, even if you don’t need it. It’s not like you’re living in the lap of luxury. Taking care of him is just as much my responsibility as it is yours. You shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of it anymore.”
With that, I identified the source of my fear. Financial help was a reminder that Nicholas was no longer solely mine. It felt like a loss of power somehow. Yet I needed to get used to it. “You wouldn’t try to take him from me, right?”
Tate’s brows furrowed as disappointment crossed his face. “Of course not.”
“Maybe that was the wrong way to phrase my question. I know you wouldn’ttakehim per se.” I let out a shaky breath. “But I don’t want to give upanycustody. I don’t want him to have to live in two places.”
Tate’s eyes softened. “Blair, I have no intention of taking him away from the home where he feels safe. I just wanna get to know him and love him. And I want to support you in any way I can. That’s really all. I’m not gonna turn this into some kind of competition.” His eyes seared into mine. “You have my word.”
Nodding, I said, “Okay.” I exhaled, feeling a bit foolish. “I’m sorry I went off the rails for a minute there. It just hit me that since we now have DNA proof, he’s not legallyallmine anymore. You have rights, Tate. And it’s wrong of me to even ask you to ignore them, but—”
He cut me off. “I wouldneverdo anything to hurt you or him. Please believe that. I want to be in his life, but not in any way you don’t want. Promise you’ll trust me.”
