She was quiet a moment. “How did you know about that?”
“Taylor told me. He said he’d invited a friend he thought would be good for you.”
She exhaled. “Well, I didn’t know he was going to be there.”
“I know. Taylor said he was surprising you.”
“I wish he hadn’t done that.”
“I suspected you might not be thrilled about it…not because of the dude, but just because no one wants to be surprised with a date,” I added.
“It wasn’t a date.”
“Right.” I dug for a little more info. “Are you not…interested in dating?”
“It’s been a very long time, as I’ve told you. And I just…” Her words trailed off.
“What?”
“It has to be the right person. It takes a lot for me to leave Nicholas and go out, let alone give a piece of myself to someone when I still feel like I don’t have much to give. But I need to force myself to get out there more.”
Now I wished I hadn’t asked. That thought made me miserable. I tightened my fist. “Taylor seems to think this Adam guy is perfect for you.”
“Yeah, well, Taylor doesn’t really know what I need right now, even if he means well.”
“Whatdoyou need?” I asked in a low voice.
After a pause, she answered matter-of-factly. “The same thing I needed the night I met you.”
My eyes widened. This was the Blair I’d known four years ago—no-holds-barred, unbridled honesty. It was my first taste of the old Blair since we’d reconnected.
My face burned. “You need no-strings sex?”
“What Idon’tneed is someone who needs something from me. I don’t have anything left to give. And I won’t pretend I do.”
“But despite that…you have a physical need,” I prodded, ready to tear my hair out.
“I’m still human, so yeah. But I’m not about to go on some hookup app at this point in my life. I have to look out for myself more than ever. So, it’s a conundrum. Nicholas and I… We have our cocoon. It feels safe, and I’m not ready to venture outside of it.”
I want to be in that cocoon.
But I can’t.
I fucking can’t.
I attempted to change the subject, more for my sake than hers.
“What do your parents know about Nicholas’s father?”
“They know as much as Taylor does—that I met an older man named Tate on the trip, that we agreed to remain relatively anonymous when we parted ways, and that I lost my only way of contacting him when my phone was taken. They know I tried to find you and everything.”
I shut my eyes. “They must hate me for messing with your life.”
“Any animosity they might’ve had toward you disappeared the day they met their grandson. Nicholas has that effect on people. No one questions how he got here anymore.”
I smiled. I wanted my mom to know she had another grandson. “I want to ask you something.”
“What?”
