I tugged at my hair. “Got everything?”
“Everything but you…” She sighed.
Letting out a long, shaky breath, I nodded. “I feel that, baby. I feel that so hard.”
When she reached up and kissed me one last time, I realized just how much our emotions impact our bodies. Normally I would’ve hardened instantly as her body pressed against mine, with the feel of her lips and her taste. But now my entire body felt numb.Dead inside.Sadness had overtaken me, paralyzed me. Fuck, my eyes were watering again. I hoped by some miracle she wouldn’t notice.
The moment she pulled back, though, she swiped a finger under my eye, catching a tear. “You really do care about me.”
I took her hand in mine. “Probably more than you’ll ever realize.” I pulled her in for one last painful moment, feeling my heart break more with each passing second. Hugging her tighter than I’d ever hugged anyone, I felt her tears on my face. Or were they mine?
She forced herself back and sucked in a breath. “I’m gonna rip the Band-Aid off now.”
Sniffling, I nodded as she turned away from me.
And that was it.
I watched as she walked down the hall. It took every ounce of my energy to keep from chasing after her. I had to tighten every muscle in my body to keep myself in place.
Then she was out of sight.
Gone.
In a daze, I closed the door and sat on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, trying to talk myself off the virtual ledge.
You did the right thing for her.
While I wouldn’t have been right for her, I couldn’t see how Blair would’ve been bad formein any way, shape, or form. The only thing I supposed was that having a soon-to-be twenty-year-old girlfriend might’ve given my son even more reason to despise me. But I would’ve risked that if I didn’t truly believe being with me was harmful to Blair in the long term. Doing the right thing didn’t make this any easier, though, and it didn’t fill the emptiness inside me. This feeling was completely foreign. It was the first time in my thirty-six years that I’d been heartbroken.I guess it’s never too late.
I looked over at the bedside table, where I’d placed the letter Blair had written me. It taunted me. I’d thought I would wait to read it until I got home, but I missed her already and wanted to hear her voice again, even if that was just through words on a piece of paper.
Screw it.
I reached for the envelope and stared for a few seconds before opening it.
Her cursive handwriting was just as beautiful as she was.
Dear Tate,
As I write this, you’re sleeping right next to me. You look so peaceful, and I’m happy to have contributedto that.
I know you’re fighting a lot of demons, but I hope our time together helped quiet them for a bit. I can’t begin to understand the pain you’ve been through. You’ve lived a life, and I’ve yet to really begin mine. But this experience will always be a highlight for me. You’ve taught me a lot in our brief time together.
Among the things I’ve learned:
It’s never too late to make things right. Your determination to reconnect with your son speaks volumes about the type of person you are.
As much as you might disagree, I’ve also learned that age is just a number. I’d always heard that saying but never realized how true it was until our connection. Maybe you still doubt that, but for me, there wasn’t one moment I didn’t feel we were on the same level. Maybe that speaks to your immaturity? LOL (Kidding.)
More than anything, you made me feel more beautiful than anyone ever has. I came on this trip so heartbroken and feeling as though I wasn’t good enough because I’d been thrown away by the only “love” I’d ever known. But the way you looked at me, the way your body reacted to me, the way you got lost in me, the way you treated me… You made me feel special. And I will carry that confidence throughout my life. I’m so glad Daniel broke up with me, because it allowed me to meet you. I wouldn’t change anything.
Lastly, we’ve only known one another for a matter of days, but I love you, Tate. I don’t think you need to have spent a lifetime with someone to say that. Love isn’t measured by time. It’s a feeling that you know to be true.
It’s okay if you don’t love me back in the same way. I just want you to know that I love you, and I always will. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if someday when I’m old and gray and ready to take my last breath, your face is the one that flashes before my eyes. Though you’ll be long gone by then. (I hope that made you laugh. If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry.)
Thank you for the best not-even-week of my life.
Love always,
