My chest constricted. “I’m so sorry, Taylor.”
“I need to leave.” He rubbed his temples. “I can’t do this right now.”
“Please don’t get in that car if you’re upset.” The thought of him getting into an accident terrified me.
“I have to. I can’t be here anymore.”
Taylor walked to his car as I followed him in silence. He opened the door and slammed it shut before starting the engine. I took a few steps back but stood in the same spot as he sped away.
It felt like I’d lost a part of my soul as I walked back into the hospital and to the pediatric ICU.
Blair’s eyes were filled with fear as I reappeared. She searched my face. “He knows?”
My lip trembled as I nodded.
She closed her eyes.
She didn’t have to ask how it had gone.
All it took was one look at my face.
Chapter 35
BLAIR
A week after the accident, things had almost returned to normal, at least for Nicholas.
As for everything else? Well, it was as bad as we’d imagined.
Taylor refused to talk to me when I’d called him the day after the hospital encounter. He’d answered the phone, but said he wasn’t ready yet to have what he understood was a necessary conversation. He apologized for not being stronger and asked me to tell Tate not to call him, either. He said he’d reach out to us when he was ready to talk.
So, we had no choice but to give him time and hope he’d eventually be ready to discuss and accept the situation.
Tate said he’d initially felt relief that Taylor knew, but with each day that passed when Taylor didn’t call, he fell deeper into sadness. Case in point, after Nicholas went to sleep this evening, I found Tate sitting on the couch, looking at baby photos of Taylor on his phone. Tate had been sleeping over almost every night.
“Hey,” I said, taking a seat next to him. “I was wondering where you went.”
“Hey, beautiful…” He looked up briefly, then returned his gaze to the images of Taylor. “I’ve been trying for so long to get him to love me. But I think the best I can hope for is that he doesn’thateme. It’s amazing what you’ll settle for when you’re desperate.” Tate put his phone aside. “Do you think I should try to call him?”
It pained me, but I shook my head. “He made it clear that he wants time. I think we should give him what he’s asked for and not push it.”
Tate sighed. “Okay. Yeah. You’re right.” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I rubbed his arm. “You were thinking that you love your son, and you can’t stand the limbo. You want to make things better. I get it.”
He reached for my hand. “Well, if all else fails, I still have you and Nicholas. I’m thankful for that every day.”
Tate and I still hadn’t explained things to Nicholas, and it seemed unlikely that he’d processed anything we said around him in the hospital. There was really nothing stopping us anymore, though…
“I was thinking,” I told Tate. “Maybe we should tell Nicholas who you are now that he’s recovered from the accident.”
A glimmer of hope appeared in his eyes. “You think he’s ready?”
“I do.”
He nodded. “All right. If it’s okay with you, though, I want to play it by ear. I don’t want to spring it on him atsome specific time we pick. I’d like to do it spontaneously, when it feels right, depending on his mood.”
“Okay. That makes sense.”
