I want to cry. It’s like every other time they pretended they didn’t hear me because the news was not what they wanted to hear.
“You don’t have to gaslight him,” Elias says. The sound of his voice snaps my parents out of their practiced routine. They’re not used to outsiders butting their noses into their business. Not used to being told what to do or being called out on their bullshit.
Dad glances at Elias before quickly dismissing him. He calls the waiter over and curtly asks for the check. He balls his napkin up and tosses it onto the table to signal the end to dinner. And the end to this conversation.
“Mom?”
Mom takes a deep breath and blinks hard at me. She looks at Elias, and then back at me. A small smile twitches at the corners of her lips.
“He’s handsome.”
Dad’s face gets red as he works so hard to look away and pretend he’s not with us that I’m sure he’ll strain his neck.
“Dad.”
I see his jaw work as he grits his teeth.
“Dad, look at me, please.”
“What?” His head snaps back and he fixes me in a steely gaze. “What would you like me to say?”
The instinct to apologize is strong. To say sorry for not being what he wants me to be. But I’m so sick of apologizing. I’m not the problem in this situation. Why can everyoneelse accept me, but not him? Elias, an entire team, and a whole fraternity who made me their vice president. A bunch of guys who see me kiss my boyfriend and make kissy sounds and invite Elias everywhere automatically as my plus-one. Why can those idiots understand and love me the way I am, but not my own father?
I let it go. Feel Elias’ hand squeezing mine and tune into the comfort it brings me.
“Nothing, Dad,” I say, feeling years of disappointment shuck off my shoulders. “I don’t need you to say anything.”
Mom hugs me again when we get outside before hugging Elias.
“Come back for a visit soon, both of you. The courts hardly ever get used when you’re not there.” She rubs Elias’ arm, pausing to give his bicep a not-so-subtle squeeze. “Maybe Elias could give me a few lessons.”
Dad shakes my hand like the scene in the restaurant never happened. “We’ll see you at graduation,” he says.
I square my shoulders and nod. “Fine, see you then.”
My hand is damp, but Elias keeps tight hold of it as we make our way back to the hotel.
“Are you okay, Spatz?”
I lean into him and close my eyes, allow his familiar smell and the warmth of his body to comfort me. “Mm. Yes, I am.”
“At least he didn’t kick up a fuss.”
I laugh, lifting my head. “I would have preferred it if he did, to be honest.”
Elias is quiet as we walk. I know he’s giving me space to talk. To be honest.
“Growing up with that silence,” I say finally. “That … polite, stilted conversation, like I was little more than a stranger, it’s infuriating. It makes you feel like you’re going mad sometimes. You got it exactly right—it’s gaslighting. My dad has a way of making you feel like you’re always being dramatic, even when you’re not. I couldn’t have been calmer or less emotional.”
“You have a right to be emotional.” Elias smiles down at me and I give his hand a squeeze. “Whether you’re coming out to your parents or talking about the weather.”
“Yeah, I know I do.”
I bump his shoulder with mine. “At least when you introduce me to your family, they’ll already expect me to be a guy.”
“My family already practically know you.”
“What?”
