“You didn’t do anythingwrong,” he says with a sigh. “It just sucked reminding myself that we’re not in a real relationship and what was going on between us was just sex.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t just sex. Not to me, anyway.”
He frowns. “It wasn’t?”
“No. Come on, I thought that was obvious.”
His frown deepens as he chews on his lip. “I thought it was, but I’m usually wrong about things. Numbers, I’m good with, but human stuff—not so much.”
“I disagree.”
He gives me a sad smile. “It doesn’t matter, Elias. You’re not going to be sticking around here for long anyway.”
“Actually, I’m planning on sticking around at least to the end of my freshman year.”
He swallows. When he speaks, his voice is small and cracked. “What for?”
“Well, partly because I think I overestimated how far along I am in my recovery from surgery.”
“Is your wrist hurting?”
“No, I’m just not where I was before the surgery yet. I need to give myself some more time. I realize that now.”
Ben nods. “That’s sensible.”
He’s trying to play it cool, but I can see his hands trembling. The thought that he might be as nervous as I am spurs me on to say the next part. “Don’t you want to know the other reason?”
He just stares at me with those big eyes. The sight causes my chest to ache. My ears are flooded with the sound of my own heartbeat.
“You, Ben. You’re the reason.”
A smile ghosts his lips before he frowns and shakes his head. “You can’t give up your dream for me. I won’t let you.”
My heart pounds in my ears as I offer him the baby Yoda I’ve been holding.
“What’s this?”
“It’s your birthday gift.”
He takes it from me with a smile. “It’s a Build-A-Bear Grogu.”
“Yeah. I did the foot pump thing and everything.”
He laughs. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world. I watch his face carefully, every miniscule change in his expression.
“You can buy him all kinds of outfits. I was thinking you could get him a graduation gown and he could come with you on graduation day.”
God, I love seeing his face light up like that. I want to be the reason for the smiles, not the tears.
“I love him, thank you, Elias.”
I lick my dry lips. “Give his hand a squeeze.”
Ben squints at me with a confused smile before pressing Grogu’s hand. “I love you, Ben.” My voice comes out of Grogu, sounding weird in the recording I made in the store while the employee grinned at me like a loon.
He blinks hard a few times before pressing it again.
“It’ll be the same no matter how many times you press it.”
