“I love your crazy ass,” I told him softly, trying not to wake Asia up.
“I love you too. You need anything?”
Aspen may not have been overly romantic, but he was very considerate and intentional, and he gave me literally any and everything I wanted. I loved that for me.
“Just you and my baby.”
He smiled before leaning forward and giving me a kiss. “So I can cancel this gift card I was about to buy you from your favorite wig lady?”
“Oh no, I’d like that too.”
We shared a soft laugh as I rested my head on his chest.
“Yeah, I knew you would. I want you to rest when you get out of here, but I’ll take you shopping Sunday, okay?”
“Okay, baby.”
Yawning, I tightened my grip on Asia. I kissed her temple, and Aspen kissed mine. When he was done on his phone, he put it in his pocket and wrapped his arms around me. Even with the brightness of the room and beeping machines, because of my baby’s health and the two loves of my life here with me, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Karrington
My little one and I were at a standstill. At one point, I felt like there was nothing my wife could do to make me angry, but today, Eyela had proven me wrong. A part of me felt horrible for even feeling like that, but that was the truth.
After we first got married, we had a conversation where we discussed her health history. I knew that she’d dealt with cancer five times, and the fifth time was the worse. I knew they said she only had six months to live, but clearly, she was still here over a decade later. I knew her immune system was weak, and her cells were so low they didn’t want to risk surgery and that God had worked a miracle inher life—her body. I knew she didn’t want to go through chemo again.
Even with me knowing all those things mentally, it was harder to process as we sat in the doctor’s office waiting on the results of her testing. When she told me she’d never go through chemo again, that shit ate at my heart. I understood to the best of my ability where she was coming from when she told me that. From that point on, I prayed every day that the cancer never came back.
And here we were, . . . waiting to see if the cancer had come back.
First, she was more tired than usual. Then, she started coughing and having chest pains. After that, the night sweats started, and it became more and more difficult for her to sleep and rest. Out of nowhere, she started to lose weight. At that point, she knew. And at that point, I was in denial.
Even after a year and a half of marriage, Eyela stared at me with the same shy innocence, the same purity she always had. Her long, thick hair was pulled into a low ponytail, exposing her slimmer face. Tears came to my eyes as I stared at my wife. She’d just said the words I hoped she wouldn’t.
“If the cancer is back, I’m not doing chemo.” I’d stared at her for so long she said, “Did you hear me, Karrington?”
Swallowing hard, I nodded. “I heard you. I just don’t understand.”
She looked at the palms of her hands, as if she hoped she’d find her words there.
“I told you how hard on my body chemo was, baby. It was worse than the cancer.”
“I understand, little one, but?—”
“That’s just it,” she said, voice slightly raised as shesmiled with watery eyes. “Youdon’tunderstand. You could never understand unless you’ve been in this position. That shit was horrible, and I’m never going to put myself through that again.”
Seeing as she never cursed, I knew she was serious.
“What about our son? Hmm?” Her head hung, and the thought of my question making her feel guilty made me feel like shit, but I had to ask. “You aren’t willing to fight for him? For us? Gio needs you, Eyela.Ineed you. Are you seriously telling me if it has come back that you won’t fight to stay here with us?”
Sniffling, she wiped her tears and shook her head. “There’s no reality where I will willingly choose to leave you and our son, Karrington, but I also don’t want to do chemo again.”
“Okay, so we’ll consider other options. There are other options, right? I just . . . I can’t accept you completely giving up, little one. Even if you don’t do chemo, you have to dosomething.”
“I understand your fear, but it’s my decision, baby.”
“Wow.” Chuckling, I sat back in my seat. “Okay.”
“I’m not trying to make it seem like what you want or how you feel doesn’t matter but?—”
