Chapter 16
JESSICA
The weekend in the editor’s room was good, but I’m ready to get back behind the camera with Steve and Andrew by my side.
I’ve been thinking about Luke looking for me and wondering if he just happened to pass by and ask for me or went out of his way to come see me.
Since I didn’t want to cause any suspicion, I wasn’t able to ask Andrew more about it, leaving me with more questions than answers.
I had hoped to catch some of the action in the paddock after the Bahrain race, but I was tied up with responsibilities to the editors.
The whole week drags on, my mood matching the sad, grey weather in Japan.
I’ve thought about Luke and our fight more times than I can count over the last two weeks.
Did I overreact?
Was I too quick to assume the worst?
Should I have done anything differently?
I’ve gone so many roundswith myself, but I still keep reaching the same conclusion.
We could never work.
Luke is right about my insecurities. I wouldn’t be able to handle everything that comes with his lifestyle, always fearing the next big story. He doesn’t deserve someone who will quiver at every gossip story, wondering if I’ll be enough for someone like him.
Additionally, I work in F1 and frequently see him. It’s better to cut it short and try to move on before I get truly hurt.
Having some space this past race weekend showed that it’s possible to keep some distance, even if it felt like I was hiding at times.
The last part of me, the part of me I’ve tried to contain and stop from emerging, hopes that we would make it right between us again.
As much as I try to tell myself that I wouldn’t be able to handle the life of Luke and all the challenges relating to my internship, deep down, I know I would take the chance if it arose. The feelings may scare me, but they also make me feel more alive and daring than I’ve ever been before.
I told myself that I would make this adventure the most in every way, and that includes another chance with a man with beautiful hazel eyes.
???
We are setting up our interview spot on Thursday, before the drivers’ press conference at Suzuka. I’ve been assigned to stay in the interview zone while Andrew goes to the press conference, so I’ll hopefully get to interview one of the drivers myself.
Even though Luke and I are over, I cling to the notebook he gave me.
It’s perfect, and although it reminds me of him, I couldn’t part with it. It’s sleek and beautiful, and I’ve been putting it to good use.
It’s become my own little journal of this whole adventure.
The interview zone is getting more hectic, and just when I think we won’t be able to land a driver interview, someone calls Peter Centimo over to our spot.
I prepare my questions as he approaches with a lazy smile. His eyes travel up and down my body, and I clear my throat.
“I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you, beautiful. My name is Peter.” He takes my hand, kisses the top of it, and I have to shake my head with a small smile at his clichéd introduction.
He stood me and Molly up last weekend and left his team to deal with his absence, so I’m not all that impressed with him.
Still, I’m flattered that he called me beautiful.
“I’m Jessica. Nice to meet you,” I tell him, and he drops my hand before we start the interview.
