Eventually, exhaustion settles in, dulling the sharp edges of my hurt. I drag myself to the bathroom, getting ready to sleep before settling into bed.
Maybe tomorrow things will be better, I’ll wake up, and this ache will be gone.
Chapter 13
LUKE
The following week passes in a blur. The first half of the week is my downtime, when I work out and catch up with friends and family before the chaos of a new race weekend arrives.
I still feel numb, angry, and sad about the fight with Jessica and how little faith she had in me and our connection.
She was quick to believe the gossip and headlines, which disappointed me.
She’s studying to be a reporter, for Christ’s sake, you’d think she’d understand how these things work and how stories can get exaggerated over nothing.
But unfortunately, she chose to chase the smoke where there was no fire.
When I saw her walking down the street, I felt lighter than I had all day. Just seeing her eased some of the tension from my hellish day.
But then, it was clear her walls were back up, and she was ready to fight, which pissed me off.
Being with me means dealing with stuff like this, and I guess I hoped Jessica would understand that.
I fully intended to fight for her and make her see that she had nothing to worry about, but seeing her all closed off at the first challenge made me uncertain if this whole thing between us mattered to her.
I thought I had gotten through to her; that kiss was enough to set my blood on fire, and I know she was just as affected as I was.
The night under the stars was the best time I’ve had in a long time.
I’m frustrated by her, myself, and this whole situation, for not at least explaining the whole Victoria mess.
I’ve honestly felt out of sorts from the impact Jessica’s had on me in such a short time, and it left me feeling vulnerable.
She may experience the same feelings, but she was quick to believe the worst, which made me close up as well.
Then there’s the other part that’s been gnawing at the back of my mind the last few days: the fact that she was so determined not to be seen with me.
I know she wants to be taken seriously by her co-workers and in the paddock, but it still irritates me how the thought of being seen with me was the worst possible scenario.
That feeling of being avoided or hidden away adds to my frustration, especially since I care about her and wanted things to be different.
I’ve never been one to want people to feed into my ego, but Jessica sure knew how to bruise it.
I return to my workout, trying to block Jessica out of my mind by blowing off some steam, only to have thoughts of her come back, knowing this is the exact coping mechanism she also uses.
We both use physical activity to distract ourselves when unpleasant feelings appear—trying to use the physical aspect to block out the mental trials.
I was eager to learn more tiny things like that about her.
More about similarities and differences, but then it all came to an end, leaving me with a hollow feeling in my chest.
???
“Hey, dude,” Sebastian answers the phone, and I wish he could come out and visit me on the road. I actually miss the bastard.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” I ask him. Sebastian isbusy living his own sports dream.
He’s currently playing soccer professionally in Europe, and I watch his games whenever I can stream them online or when they’re shown on TV. He keeps me updated on upcoming matches and mentions they’ve experienced tough losses recently.
