“Is that why you were so reluctant to marry?” Amelia asked, tilting her head innocently to the side. “If you saw your father be unhappy in his marriage…”
“Perhaps… But I do not think of myself in those terms. I believe people are made of more than what has happened to them. No one could ever hold such power over me as to dictate the course of my life. My actions are my own, guided by my own wants and whims.”
She was quiet for a moment, then murmured, “I do not believe that is true. To me, we are the products of all the people who have come before us. Our souls are our own. But the rest? I am not so sure.”
“You are free to think what you like,” he argued. “But I have never subscribed to fatalism. We can become who we want if we try hard enough.”
She looked unconvinced, and something in her face concerned him.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I am thinking about Freddy’s call earlier this day. About what you said just now,” she whispered. “He wishes me to leave with him. For France.”
Nicholas smiled ruefully. “I assumed as much.” His throat closed in, and he cleared it, surprised. “And you believe you must go with him.”
“I do. He says he has found someone to help, but…” A moment of hesitation. Her head shook almost imperceptibly. “I know Ishould go—it would be a blessing on our contract. And yet, I do not want to. I would miss so many things about England—and who knows what may occur on the trip? I suppose I am afraid… afraid of everything that would change, and of the things that might never be recovered…”
Like us?Nicholas thought.Like this marriage?
She looked like she wanted him to beg for her to stay. And a part of him longed for the same. But it would not have been right to deny her the freedom to choose.
“As I said. You should be allowed to do as you please—to be healthy and free,” he breathed, though it pained him.
“Yes, I suppose you are right,” she said quietly, unconvinced. “I should be free from what ails me...”
And what about my freedom?he thought ruefully.I have determined freedom is something we grant ourselves. But then why do I still feel chained?
That word—freedom—gnawed at him as she nodded, gently repositioning on the bed. She removed the covers from her shoulders.
“It will not be long before the sun rises, Nicholas. And if my brother intends to call again tomorrow morning…”
“Yes, I… Yes.”
But he did not leave immediately.
They had married out of convenience. To imagine that they could have anything else was a lie. He had never wanted a wife. He had never wanted anything but the ability to live his life without bounds. He had only entered the marriage because they had agreed that one day it would come to an end.
Samuel’s warning about Summer Harrow echoed in his mind. How free could he be while the threat of her resurfacing still hung over him? The courts had forbidden him from London. Where was the freedom in that?
He had left the matter unattended for too long.
Knowing they had left too much unspoken for him to say anything else but goodnight, he paused at the door and looked back at her.
The plan came so naturally to him that it shamed him.
What had time made of them?
Nicholas feared he already knew.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“The wind has always been worse up here, do you not think?” Freddy chirped, helping Amelia out of the carriage. “It is a wonder the house still stands after all this time. In Denmark—did you know I went to Denmark?—there is a church buried halfway in sand. I expected to find Bright Corner in a similar state.”
Her boots crunched against the pebbles of the drive as they stepped into the open air. Amelia clutched her bonnet, fighting the wind for it as she followed Freddy toward their house.
Bright Corner had been built in a different style than most other Oxford houses. The whitewashed walls were partly covered with ivy. The tiled front steps were stained with dirt from years of abandonment. It had been erected on one of the tallest hills outside town. Looking back behind her, she could see Oxford church spires in the distance, cutting through the clouds.
Freddy slipped his key through the front door. It jammed, a bad sign. He forced it open and laughed victoriously. Amelia staredthrough the yawning doorway into the dark house beyond, not nearly as excited to discover what had been left behind.
