"I'm sorry, friend."
"I know that I can be brash, and I have hard boundaries, but that's how I keep my peace."
She loved that about Jen. She was bold in everything she did, including recognizing her faults. Tilly had never quite grasped the skill of underlining her shortcomings without also sacrificing her self-worth.
Maybe a portion of Tilly's anxiety lay there in the cracks between humility and her self-deprecation.
"Did she feel left out? Did we leave her out?"
"No," she shook her head, her hand reached out, grabbing Tilly's in a firm hold. "I know you all would be welcoming to her. You'd be protective in your ways, but ultimately you would respect my decision."
"Always. Though if she hurt you, hexing would not be off the table." Tilly smiled.
Jen's laugh was nice, a little louder with the help of rum. "It's nice to have someone who knows you so well."
"Yeah, it is," she replied.
Tilly hooked her arm through hers and lay her head on her shoulder.
They had stopped walking and were looking over a rolling hill that would lead to a riverbank. Tilly knew that by following along for about ten minutes, she would end up in someone else's woods, and just the thought of him made something move inside of her.
Pain. It felt like an animal.
"That tightness on your face for the hot vampire chief?"
"What? No," she quickly defended, then relaxed, not realizing it materialized on her face.
It was Jen's turn. "Talk to me."
"It's silly," she smiled.
"I doubt it. And I like silly. We could use more silly right now."
Friendships were alchemy.
"He felt different. Tess was right. I think I can feel people and their emotions. They become part of me if they're strong enough, which can be overwhelming."
"I cannot imagine. I don't even like feeling my own feelings sometimes."
Tilly hummed. Then her eyes took on a dreamy look. "But whenever I was around him, it stopped. All of the noise inside of me, all of the buzzing of trying to decide what is mine and what is someone else angry with their spouse, a woman depleted from motherhood on her last thread, a man suddenly overcome with lust."
"Seriously?" Jen asked with raised eyebrows. "You could bottle that knowledge and help some women out."
Tilly laughed and sighed. "He made it go away. I was just me. Tilly. With my own complicated emotions."
"How complicated?"
"I should not have stopped counseling," she said deadpan, and Jen let out a bark of laughter that got tangled gently in the tree limbs.
"You and me and every other person I've had to meet." She looked softly at her friend. "But he made that all go away, and it was just you and him, and I imagine that felt like a restful place."
"It did." The reminder pulsed in her chest painfully.
"Do you believe that he kissed Astra?"
She shrugged. She thought of what Bess had said. "My fears are loud."
Jen considered her for a moment. "I know you're not a kiss-and-tell kind of person, but as your best friend, I would love it if, after you let the big bad vampire take your body, you'd at least give me the Cliff's notes over pie."
