I couldn’t. No part of myself would ever be able to move on if he didn’t survive. Without him, I was useless. There was nothing worth living for if he wasn’t at my side. The thought should have frightened me, how dependent I’d become on a person, but I didn’t care. I just knew that I needed him… and some part knew he needed me too.
Arms wrapped around me, and Liam pulled me in for a hug. “Youwon’tlose him, Oren. Don’t you know how stubborn Thorne Graves is?”
I slackened in his arms, a bitter sob escaping. I’d allowed my father to inflict pain on him. How had I fallen so far that this ever became an option? How… how had I ever been able to listen to my father?
He was a liar, a pathetic man who needed fear to continue his reign. What he didn’t realize was that fear invoked a fake devotion, while love permitted the real thing. What he’d done today only solidified my plan to kill him.
I didn’t know how I would do it, but my father, General Valens, would die by my hands.
Tears continued to fall as Liam held me. Whether Thorne Graves lived or died, I would seek revenge for him and for my friends who’d dealt with the stain of my family for far too long.
I wasn’t weak anymore. I could hold my ground, and I would do just that, even if right now showing an ounce of strength was the last thing on my mind.
But for Thorne Graves? For him I would do anything.
I stoodin my father’s office, Thorne’s blood still staining my uniform; stains I hoped wouldn’t give my devotion away. Instead, I hoped to show him how solidified I was in my role, coating myself in the crimson of the man I loved.
Standing at attention, I waited for him to finish whatever he always did at his damn desk, not an ounce of weakness showing on my face despite not knowing if Thorne was okay or not.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood outside Thorne’s room in the medical wing until I knew I needed to report back here, to the very man I wanted to destroy.
“So?” My father’s nonchalance carved through my senses like a serrated blade. “What do you have to say for yourself, Oren?”
“I was able to maintain order of the rest of the squad after that display with their former commander. They completed their training without question while Graves bled on the sidelines. I did call for a medic, but he might not have survived. That pathetic light was already gone from his eyes.”
I hated myself. Hated I had to resort to grotesque lies to fulfill this sick fuck’s ego.
“Lovely,” he hummed, finally setting down the stack of papers he’d been sorting through. “I am glad to see that your emotional attachments to Thorne Graves have ceased. But, be warned, at the next sign of disobedience fromanyof your squad members, I will drag him into the interrogation roomyoumurdered Lucas in and have you do the same to your battered recruit. Do you understand?”
I scoffed. “That won’t be a problem. If any of my squad members harbor any complaints, I will swiftly bring him here to end it. You have my word.” Likefuckhe did.
“Good.” Something lingered in his tone, as if he still wasn’t thoroughly convinced by my guise. “Anything else you wish to report,Commander?”
“No, General.”
“Then you’re dismissed.”
With a curt dip of my chin, I turned on my heels, my mask dropping slightly as I headed for the door. If I never had to come here again and see him, that would be fucking heaven, but I’d made my bed in hell and would have to see it through until the end.
Right now, the only thing on my mind was ifhewas alive. I couldn’t visit him because someone would see me, risking my father’s doubts further, but going back to my room was the last thing I wanted to do.
I decided to head to the gym, to plunge myself into that routine to keep my mind from spiraling. It was all I had for now, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
THORNE
Iwas always told that the instant you slipped from this life and into the next you’d be greeted with a vibrant light and the arrival of loved ones who’d passed before you. But when it was me? When it was my last breath?
Darkness. Never-ending and unrelenting darkness.
I don’t know why I expected any different, considering I’d tainted so many others when I was alive—destroyed families and selfishly took the lives of many men.
Part of me prayed that when I closed my eyes, when my gaze finally departed fromhim,that he’d have still greeted me. I wanted to experience those five to seven minutes of memory those who’d nearly passed had spoken of. I desired nothing more than to have that time filled with Oren, because he was the only memory worth keeping. And still, as if the fates waited to mock me even in death, it didn’t happen.
He wasn’t there.
Did I even deserve his presence, his essence, when I was such a broken piece of shit?
