I stepped closer to the man I loved, gritting my teeth. “Are you suggesting I’mlying?” I pointed my finger at Thorne’s rasping form, his breaths frightening me at how unsteady they were. “He defied a simple order to dress, and I gave him the punishment he deserved. If either of you have something else to say, I suggest keeping your goddamn mouths shut. We have training to do.”
Liam was frozen, his brown gaze fluttering between Thorne and me. He’d yet to see the monster I’d become. He shook his head, his hands shaking beside his thighs, but he didn’t utter a word.
He was already broken, the coffee color of his irises dulled. Recognizing his pain tore into my heart. He shouldn’t be here. He should be with Simon; that’s where I would want to be if something happened to Thorne.
“Suggesting you're lying?” Matthew challenged, his lips curling into a sneer. “If that’s what you wish to take my words as, then sure. I’d merely say I’m calling you out, considering I’ve known that man far longer than you have.”
I couldn’t let him continue to run me over with my father watching, but I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want to hurtanyone. “Are you sure? Because to me it seems you don’ttrulyknow anyone. You love to spew advice, offer comfort to everyone around you, but aren’t you really the one who’s broken? You think giving out pieces of your heart will make up for men you let get killed? You’re no different from Thorne. Just a man who hides his pathetic skills with a sugar-coated phrase, because if you win someone over, they never have to search intoyoursoul, right?”
“Fuck you,Valens.” Matthew spat, rage billowing from him.
Thorne groaned from the ground, trying to push himself up. “I-It’s fine, Matt. Just let it?—”
I placed a boot on his back, shoving him back to the ground, hoping the force was believable enough. I didn’t want to hurt him, but they needed a show. “If you say anything else, I’ll shatter his fucking?—”
Matthew cut me off before I could finish. “Like calls to like, doesn’t it, Oren? You’rejustlike your fucking dad.”
The blow sunk deep, my fingers twitching, but I couldn’t let it hurt. I couldn’t let it break the order I needed to show.
Gritting my teeth, I stepped over a broken Thorne, footfalls echoing in the training room. Before Matthew could dodge, I punched him in the face, the crack reverberating up my arm. The blow came easily, but it did irreparable damage to everything I held dear. “Iwarnedyou, Lieutenant. Another word, and it’s Liam next.”
Liam grimaced, taking a step away from me, and fuck did that hurt. He was terrified of me, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout, wanted toscream, but I couldn’t.
How had Thorne done this for so long? How had he been able to survive manipulation when everyone, including me, had looked at him with disgust? How did he get up in the mornings when these faces of disappointment and despair greeted him?
“Your squadron is rather…divided, Commander Valens.”
My dad.My fucking dad.
I flicked my eyes to him. “It’s the leftover impurities from Thorne’s leadership, sir. I’ll bleed it out that entire squad until ultimate compliance and order is gained.”
“Perhaps you start where it began?” His chin gestured toward Thorne, who remained on the ground. “It appears the beating you gave him this morning wasn’t sufficient if his influence continues to elicit this kind of defiance.”
“If you lay another fucking hand on him,” Matthew growled, his jaw feathering. “I’ll fuckinggut?—”
“What better way,” my father interrupted, his judgmental glower drilling into me, “to ensure obedience from your lieutenant than to inflict damage on the one he’s so adamantly running his mouth for?”
“O-Oren?” Liam spoke, his words warbled by the echoes of what I was about to do.
Turning from him, I looked at Thorne, my eyes wavering. It was just him and me, my father blocked by my back. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t dothis.
Thorne looked up at me, his golden irises glinting with the pain he felt—a pain I was still trying to figure out. With the subtle dip of his chin, my knees threatened to buckle beneath me, his message clear:Do what needs to be done.
I didn’t have the grace like earlier this morning. Every second would seem like an act of defiance to my father, and already enough had ticked by. “Yes, sir,” I said before colliding the tip of my boot with Thorne’s face.
Blood splattered, the sound of it ringing in my ears as it coated the floor. I’d never forget the way it stained my shoe, or the way his body had shuddered upon impact.
I wanted to knock him out, but it wouldn’t be easy. If I could make him unconscious, he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain.
Reaching down, I grabbed his shirt, hauling him upright, muscles straining to keep him from falling over.
“Oren, stop!” Liam screamed, his voice breaking with the plea.
I internalized that scream, letting it ferment in my mind, because I never wanted to forget it. Even if Thorne had forgiven me, I’d caused myself to be in this position. I deserved those screams.
How I still managed to speak with utter calm, I wasn’t sure. “Stop? You want me tostop?”
I waited until Thorne settled on his knees, his wavering frame one kick from collapsing. So that’s what I did—kicked him in the back like the sorry piece of shit I was.
