“I don’t believe I stuttered,soldier.” I was back to the mask, the facade that I hated but was forced to wear. “Get on board.”
“I’m sorry, but it sounded like youdid.” Simon glared at me, his eyes darkening to a color beyond the hazel I was used to. “Because Oren wouldn’t abandon us on this mission. It’s not what friends do.”
Scoffing, I shook my head. “I think you knowexactlywhy he’s not here, just as I know you’re very well acquainted with your position and rank onmysquadron. So mind your fucking tongue and load up.”
I expected another blow from Simon, but it wasLiamwho stuttered through his response. “Did… Did you decide this yourself? Decide what Oren wanted?” His hands trembled, but he didn’t falter. “You messed up the moment you expected us to mind ourfuckingtongues.”
Stepping forward before Matthew could stop me, my fist closed around Liam’s shirt as I tossed him past me and into the Black Hawk. My heel dug into the asphalt as I shifted to face Simon. “Either use your legs that I know are perfectly functional and get on, or I’ll fucking make you. We don’t havetimefor this.”
“Thorne,” Matthew cut in, “watchit. They have every right to be upset.”
“As if I’m not? As ifIdon’t?” Clenching my jaw, my chin snapped toward my best friend. “Happy to see you’ve swapped sides, Harveil, but we have time restraints. So, since you’re so quaint, handle Simon.”
“Oh, don’t blame me. I might be your friend, but you know I’ll call you out on your shit when you’re making a?—”
“Either get on or don’t. Hell, I’ll fucking go alone if need be.” I interrupted, biting my cheek as I turned my back to them and swallowing the emotion in my words. “You know your places here, and if you elect to stay behind, that’s a consequence you’ll have to face with General Valens. I’m too fuckingtiredto deal with any more of this shit.” Taking a final drag off my cigarette, I tossed it to the side, snuffing it out with my heel.
“Sure,Commander,” Simon spat, saliva hitting my boot. “I guess I’m too fucking tired to deal with your bullshit, too,” he said before climbing on board, immediately checking on Liam, who’d hit his side from my toss.
“You know,” Matthew said, “I get why you’re upset, but own it. As you said, we don’t have time for this, and I don’t need someone leading with regret.”
“Then feel free to take the reins,Lieutenant.Consider this mission your responsibility moving forward since you desire a leader who won’t act socarelessly.” I stepped around him, my shoulder colliding with his as I joined the other two inside the helicopter.
Matt glowered before slapping his hand against the outside of the helicopter to peer in at us. “You did, Thorne. You acted carelessly, and I’m sorry if you’re having to deal with the consequences of your actions.”
“Careless?Careless?”I snapped, my restraint quickly slipping. “The three of you believe that Oren would’ve survived this mission? That after mereweeksof training, he was ready to take on something like this? Because if that’s the case, you can thank yourselves for your idiocy. You would’vewillinglytossed him into the field, knowing it would take his life. Who’s the one who’s genuinelycarelesshere? Who’s the one whoactuallycares about his well-being and doesn’t want him to take his last breath out there? Because it sure asfuckisn’t any of you.”
Simon and Liam lowered their gazes, but Matt… Matt stared, just like he always did when he was trying to prove a point. “He wouldn’t have, but it wasn’t your decision to make. The kid had the right to choose.”
“And, asyourcommander, I chose to save his life. Unlike you,Harveil, I don’t see my men as mere numbers to be easily replaced. So fucking spite me for desiring that Oren continues to live on, and so that youalldon’t have to deal with what I have had to.”
“Did you save him, or did you just toss him into the hands of his father like the general wanted?” Matt tapped the outside twice before climbing into the front, leaving my reply to linger in the air.
God, what have I done?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
OREN
Some people said sunrises were beautiful, a colorful expansion of yellow, orange, and pink hues that warmed the earth like a dawning kiss. I used to be one of them; sunrises were my favorite to paint because of the brilliance you could capture, but what brilliance was left when it came in addition to black ink?
I wanted to burn his letter the moment I saw it resting on the nightstand after I’d returned from scouring the entire base for them. Waking up to an empty bed wasn’t surprising, but the quiet of the room was.
When it continued past Matt and Thorne’s room into the space my friends should’ve been in, I knew. Iknewhe’d left me behind, the pieces of his character crumbling.
I wrecked the room, every ounce of betrayal, anger, andwrathI was experiencing flooding into my hands as I tossed mattresses, sheets… even the clothes they’d left behind.
It wasn’t enough. Fuck, it wasn’t enough as I stumbled back into Thorne’s room. He kept his space neat, void of pictures and collectibles, but I didn’tcare. I searched his goddamn room for something to break as he’d done to me.
He’d betrayed me for the sake of his enjoyment, just like my father had my whole life. Why else had he left me behind after tending to me so gently? After brushing my tears and filling me with a reason to live that I thought had disappeared long ago?
He’d known. All last night as he held me… He’dfuckingknown.
My hand dug in his drawer until a small box appeared, covered in a thin layer of dust. It was a simple wooden box, with no design etched into the wood, but when I shoved the top open, pictures of his family appeared, edges burnt from the fire that’d stolen those he loved.
I took a shaky breath as I grabbed one.
If he wanted someone rational, he never should’ve fucking messed with me.
